Wishing on a Star
by balletbaby
Summary: "You'll either go insane, or you'll die, unless you utilize another option. It's engenius, really. Most people don't survive. Her mind is the only thing keeping her alive." THE END of the LILLY CONNOR STORY is now posted. New Readers I'd say start at Chapter 5, k? Read and comment. Anything that happens in the story that needs explaining (why did Lilly do XYZ) just ask .
1. Chapter 1

"She scratched me!"

"I did not!" Lilly yelled this, only to stop abruptly when she learned how much it made her head hurt.

"Yeah, you did! See, look- blood!" Jason shoved his arm forward for inspection.

"He's lying," she said the words softly this time, but her head still hurt. Even holding her eyes open hurt.

"You're the liar!" Jason looked hurt and confused. Lilly knew this was just part of his act.

"You slammed my head into the wall!"

She pulled her bangs back from her forehead, and tilted her head up for inspection of the evidence.

Jason rolled his eyes. "You did that to yourself. Mom, she's crazy. She was banging her head into the wall when I got home, said she did bad on something in school. When I tried to stop her, she did this."

Lilly almost laughed out loud. There was no way mom was going to believe that. Jason always got home before she did. His school got out fifteen minutes before hers. Plus, being older his legs were longer. And unless someone gave one or both of them a ride, which rarely happened, walking was their usual mode of transportation.

With a sigh of annoyance, Mrs. Connor tossed her purse onto the kitchen counter, then pulled her son's arm forward for a quick inspection.

Her lips pursed, then she glared.

Sensing her brother winning, Lilly added,"I didn't scratch him- I didn't do anything! He's the one that's hurting me!"

"Lilly, go to your room!" She barked.

"But I didn't do anything!" She wailed.

"I don't want to hear it! I don't see any blood on you," she countered. "You should be ashamed of yourself telling such a horrible lie, or any lie at all about your brother. Yet your poor brother is standing here bleeding. How could you do that to him? Get upstairs right now!"

Lilly stood in open mouthed shock. How could she not see the bruise on her forehead? Maybe it hadn't formed yet, she reasoned, but she was sure it would. With as much as her head hurt, she was surprised she wasn't spurting blood from her head like a fountain.

One hand on her hip, Mrs. Connor simply motioned to the stairs.

Glaring, furious and hurt, Lilly moved to do as told, while her mother made her way to the kitchen for a first aid kit.

_I didn't do a thing to him. _

Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Jason smirking at her. When she looked back at him as she mounted the stairs, she saw him licking the ketsup off his arm like a cat.

When he saw her watching, he laughed at her. Then he smirked again and hissed as their mother approached. "I told you so. I got you in trouble. They're never going to believe you."

Tears of rage, physical and now emotional pain beginning to form, she stomped up the stairs, her mother's clucking over her brother's faked injury burning in her ears. When she got to her room she opened the door, then slammed it behind her.

The sound made her head hurt worse.

Slowly, she walked over to the bed, lay down carefully, and placed both hands over her forehead. It felt like someone were stabbing swords in it from the outside, and pounding hammers on the inside.

When the pain got worse still, she stood up, still holding her head with one hand, made her way to the upstairs bathroom, and got herself a wet-wash cloth.

As she was at her door she heard her mother call.

"Don't even think of coming downstairs, young lady! You will get no dinner either. Your brother just showed me what all you did to him. Shame on you!"

Tears rolling freely now, she went into her room and closed the door, heading again for bed.

Jason had grabbed her by the hair, tightly, without warning just after she'd tossed her backpack down in the hall, and was headed to the living room to watch afternoon cartoons. Without a word, he slammed her head as hard as he could into the living room wall.

Then next thing she knew, she was opening her eyes, looking at a blurry Jason standing over her and taunting her. And her head hurt, really hurt.

"_You need to be more careful," Jason smiled. "You're such a klutz!" _

"_What'd you do that for?" She shouted. She tried to jump up, but sitting proved to be painful enough to keep her still. _

"_Because I can," he laughed. _

"_I'm telling Mom when she gets home!"_

_He shrugged. "She won't believe you."_

"Yeah_ she will. You just tried to kill me!" She shrieked. _

"_Nope. Not after I tell her what you did to me."_

"_I haven't done anything to you, stupid." _

"_You just did." He ran his fingernails across his arm, scratching it. "See?" _

_Lilly rolled her eyes. "No one's gonna believe that. You're dumb, you know that?"_

"_After I show Mom what you've done to me, she won't believe a word you say." _

"_You're dumb. Just wait till she gets home." _

_He smiled and laughed again. "I know. I can't wait. You're going to get in so much trouble."_

Lilly opened her eyes, then looked at the clock. Six pm. Her favorite show was on TV. Even though she was told she was too young to watch it, and honestly, she still prefered cartoons to any 'real' tv show, this was one of her exceptions. And sometimes she could manage to watch it, if she sat and pretended to read a book while her father watched the show.

But not tonight. Definitely not tonight.

So instead she lay there trying to figure out what was wrong with Jason. He'd never been mean to her before. Never even hit her. She wondered what she'd done to make him so angry.

LINE BREAK HERE

The next morning, Lilly sat down to breakfast as if nothing had happened.

"Woah!" Mr. Connor chuckled, eyeing Lilly's forehead, "you've got quite a lump there! That's gotta be the size of a tennis ball!" He nodded at it, impressed. "Did someone hit you with a baseball bat?"

She glanced openly at her brother. "No," Lilly answered him, "Jason did it. He slammed my head into the wall when I got home from school yesterday. And, don't give him any ideas," she answered.

Jason grinned wide at her,the look vanishing the moment their father's eyes were on him. He became the picture of innocence.

"Jason's your brother, his job is to protect you, not hurt you," her father smiled. "You know he'd never hurt you."

"But, he did!"

"Don't be silly."

Her mother walked into the room at the commotion, and looked at Lilly. With concern she asked, "What happened to you?"

With a sigh she answered, "I told you yesterday. Jason slammed my head into the wall."

"I told you to stop telling lies about your brother," Mrs. Connor answered quickly, disgusted. "Why would you say such horrible things?" Her voice full of disgust she added quickly, "Only white trash fights with each other like that. You're just trying to make him look bad so you won't get punished for what you did to him."

She sat down to the table and added, "That young lady, is inexcusable. Why on earth would you make up any lie about your brother? Let alone one that is so awful? Having an imagination is one thing, but an imagination like that is what puts little girls in nut houses, or jail."

"I'm not lying!" She insisted. "He slammed my head into the wall when I got home from school yesterday."

Jason rolled his eyes. "Wouldn't there be a hole, then? Or some evidence?"

Lilly pointed to her forehead.

"You drew blood," he countered. "There was even blood on the floor- evidence of you hurting me, not the other way around."

"It's ketsup," she growled. Her head still hurt so much, she wanted to cry.

"Do you want to miss breakfast too?" Her mother threatened. "And I don't want to hear about you going to school and telling your teacher that lie. Next thing you know, social services will be at our door."

"At least they'd believe me," she muttered.

"What was that?"

"Nothing."

Her father rose from the table and grabbed his suitcase. "See you all tonight," he excused himself.

"And you," he looked at Lilly, "stay away from those baseball bats! If those boys at school are bothering you, you just tell them your big brother will deal with them." He grinned.

Lilly just sighed.

She decided then to ride her bike to school instead of walk. The faster she could get away from her house today, the better. Hopefully she could think of a good lie by the time she got to school. And maybe get a bag of ice from the school nurse.

Clearly, more details to follow. Some aspects of this story have been taken from my own life, as well as from a blog I found online. No worries, I asked the author's permission. She said she'd even help write a few chapters! She's a trek-girl too, so we're good there. Her blog is here .com/- Edit: Okay, clearly that didn't publish. Dunno why. Doing what DoFH suggested. Hope it will at least show up. If you want to read the blog, it's at www(dot)stifledballerina(dot)blogspot(dot)com.


	2. Chapter 2

"How do you spell "honest"?"

looked up from the papers on her desk, blinked then asked,

"Class, how do we spell the word "honest"?"

"H-O-N-E-S-T." The class answered in automatic sing-song unison.

Lilly looked at the floor, embarrassed. How could all these kids know how to spell the word and she didn't? She should have known.

"And where," Mrs. Beurre continued, "do we look for words we should know how to spell?" Should know was emphasized strongly.

Lilly squirmed with shame, looking down at her scuffed sneakers wishing she'd never asked.

Mrs. Beurre nudged her, indicating she needed to look back at the class. The group of children were all pointing to the side wall, where commonly misspelled words were listed, in alphabetical order.

Lilly sighed when she scanned to the letter h (how should she know there was an h in that word?) and saw that the word honest was listed loud and clear.

She sighed again and walked slowly back to her desk, avoiding the smirks from her classmates as she went.

"I thought you were supposed to be an intelligent child," the woman commented seemingly baffled. "At least that's what your file seemed to indicate."

Lilly didn't know if she was supposed to answer that, or how to do so, so she remained silent. Her new teacher's words seemed to have shot tiny holes right through her, and they hurt even more than her forehead.

"You've been with us for a whole week," the teacher said at her back, "you should know our procedures by now."

Lilly's eyebrows looked a question mark at no one in particular. She didn't even know what that prowhatever word meant. She made a note to look it up in the dictionary later. If she could figure out how to spell the word.

Dictionaries were confusing. How were you supposed to use a dictionary to look up how to spell a word, if you had to know how to spell it in order to look it up in the first place?

"It doesn't make any sense," she muttered.

She heard Sarah Mueller to her left snickering. "Little E is talking to herself!" She cried.

Little E was the nick name given to her by the hateful girls in her new class. She was skininer and smaller than all of them. The girls asked her on her first day if she meant to go into the first grade classroom. When she said no, she was in the second grade just like they were one of the girls who she now knew as Sarah had snorted and said, "She looks like she should be in kidnergarden, she's so little!" And that's how that started.

This was already a really bad day, and it was still hours until lunchtime. Lilly sighed again and put a hand to her head. It still hurt.

She'd gone to the school nurse before the day began, but was told the nurse wouldn't be in until noon. Not wanting to bother anyone with her headache, she simply tried to remember her way back to her classroom.

Finding her way to the nurse's office before school started had been easy. No other kids were around. They were all still outside playing. But now, as the kids all hurried inside, the empty hallways became a whole new world. A world of crowds and teenagers and not being able to tell where she was, let alone where she needed to go.

She'd bumped into Jason in the 4th grade hallway. More like he'd bumped into her, shoving her and sneering, "Looks like the baby's got lost!" He laughed in her face, then shoved her into the wall. She stumbled and rolled sideways a bit, falling against the coat hooks only steps away. He walked away laughing.

With all the big kids swarming in the hall, Lilly felt as if she were drowning in an ocean of people.

Frantic, knowing the bell was about to ring, she looked to her right down the hallway. There was nothing out there that she recognized. She looked to the left. Same thing. She knew the first grade classrooms had a big bug sticking out from the wall, one that stuck out so far that you could see it even from the end of the hallway. She knew Mrs. Beurre's door had a smiling bumblebee on the outside of it.

But she didn't see any of those things. She didn't know where her hallway was. She could barely see around all the big kids walking past her.

She called to mind a word her mother often said that seemed appropriate to the situation and how she was feeling.

"Crap."

She arrived at her second grade classroom five minutes late, escorted by one of the kidnergarden teachers.

"I suppose she was still out on the playground?" The teacher puckered her mouth with distaste and glowered at Lilly.

"Actually, this little girl seems to have gotten turned around," the woman explained. "I found her wandering the sixth grade hallway."

"I see."

Mrs. Beurre turned away and walked back to her desk without another word.

Sarah laughed. "You got lost! Only babies get lost! Even the kidnergarden babies know their way around school!" She sneered.

Lilly glared. There was a word for someone like this, she knew. Or there should be, if only she could think of one that was bad enough. For the moment she said,

"You're really mean, you know that?"

Sarah smiled evily. "At least I'm not lost." She looked her up and down. "And at least I don't dress like you."

Lilly felt her cheeks getting hot. What was wrong with how she dressed? No one at Elm School had cared how she dressed. No one at Elm School treated her the way the kids and teachers at this school did.

"Can you find your way to your seat Little E, or should we show you where it is?" Megan chimed in.

"Maybe we should call her Little Baby!" Heidi added.

All the girls laughed.

There definitely was a word for Sarah and all the other girls in class,Lilly thought- a bad one. If there wasn't, there should be one. And it would have to be the worst word in the world. These girls were the meanest nastiest girls Lilly'd ever met.

At recess, Lilly succedded in finding a place where no one could see her. She didn't exactly blend in with the other kids at school, so hiding was no easy feat. She knew she stood out, but up until now it hadn't mattered. She looked different from all the girls at her new school, but then again she'd also looked different from all the girls at her old school too. The only difference was that the kids at her old school didn't care.

When they'd sit for a story, the girls behind her would pull down a strand of Lilly's hair to watch it spring back upwards, or they might pet her hair. They liked doing that sometimes, all the girls. And she didn't mind. It was nice to get attention and it felt good. It made her head feel happy as long as they didn't pull her hair or get it tangled, but they never did. Her friends were always very careful.

"Lilian is not a dog," her old teacher Mrs. Carr used to say. They'd all smile. Mrs. Carr acted like what Lilly's friends were doing was a bad thing. It confused them all. They were only playing with her curls. She would do the same to her friends with straight hair. She loved to brush their hair and run a hand over it. Straight hair was so silky and smooth and shiny. Her hair was just...fuzzy. Her friends at school said they liked her hair. Her kindergarden teacher said it made her "unique". Of course at the time she didn't know what the word meant, but she knew it was a good thing.

Her hair was the very first thing she noticed that was "different" about her new school. The very first girl she saw on the playground on her first day announced loudly, "Your hair looks like a Chia-Pet!"

Lilly just stood still in shock. She'd never had someone make fun of the way she looked before and be serious about it. Now though, just a week in, it became clear that this was a normal activity at this school- make fun of Lilly.

And so she stayed hidden to ice her head, pretending to enjoy being alone and listening to the other kids run and play. Her new thing was being alone. It was safer that way. Though just a week earlier she'd have been running and playing pretend with all her friends in her class. Friends seemed like years ago. Lilly couldn't figure out what could have happened to her in only a week that would suddenly make her turn from someone everyone loved and wanted to play with, to someone that people couldn't stand. She didn't cry, she was just...confused. Confused and angry with a throbbing headache.

More later. Sorry for the delay. I'd forgotten about this story, and when I remembered it I forgot my password. Then more time passed and here we are, so I figured I'd better put something up. I have some ideas in mind, but if anyone else has some I will definitely consider them.


	3. Chapter 3

Apologies for forever again. I've been stuck with a couple of chapters trying to figure out what should go where. Also, well, there's news but I think I'll put that up in the next chapter. I'm pretty excited about it.

Lilly slowly gathered her books.

The kids called her teacher's pet. So what? She stayed after school as often as Mrs. Peterson would allow. Whenever she needed help. Grading papers, putting up a new bulletin board, taking down all the staples that stuck kids papers to the wall- hard. That always took forever. Digging the staples out was like digging them out with a tweezers. But it took up time, and Lilly liked that. It didn't matter if the kids who still hated her, but had always hated her called her "teacher's pet". She'd do anything if it meant she didn't have to go home.

She wished she had a friend's house to go to instead. Somewhere else to walk besides towards home. But she didn't. The only thing she could do was gather her school supplies very very slowly, walk very very slowly, and on days that the teacher needed help, help her- slowly. The times she offered to drive her home were quickly disallowed.

If she could just walk slowly enough she could get home around the same time that her parents did- around six o' clock. But that was a good three hours' time difference.

It never seemed to matter.

Jason still used her as his punching bag. But he wasn't the only one. Now Jason liked to invite his friends over, so that they could beat her as well.

The highlight of her life now were the few times that her parents would go out and leave her to be babysat by Jason. If he'd had his fill beating her and making her miserable, he'd wait till the car was away down the road then announce,

"To hell with this. See ya!" And out the door he'd go, denim jacket and keys in hand.

Today was just such a lucky evening.

It went without saying that she wouldn't tell. Why would she tell? She didn't keep her mouth shut because she was doing Jason a favor. It was because for the first time, she was alone. Safe. She could do whatever she wanted. Why would she ever tell?

The second thing she did was to lock all the doors and windows. Jason would come home before her parents did, so she added an extra booby-trap to alert her when Jason was approaching the house. She had to have everything back to normal by the time anyone walked in the door.

Today she put the rake out under the leaves across the path to the front door. Jason was sure to hit it with some part of his body. And that and the ensuing noise would alert Lilly. Giving her time to return the house to normal.

Back in the house she locked all the doors and windows. Next, she drew all the curtains and blinds so that no one could see inside. She hated the idea of people watching her.

Then with a giggle and a sigh, she plopped down on the couch and turned on the TV.

When the familiar theme music came on she sighed aloud.

"Space, the final frontier..."

"Finally," she announced to the empty house.

She'd grabbed a bag of chips, then since Deanna was eating a chocolate sundae, Lilly decided she needed a chocolate sundae as well, so she'd gone to the kitchen to make one. All they had was vanilla ice cream. It was better than nothing. So she grabbed herself a bowl and made with it into the livingroom.

Lilly loved watching TV. The problem was that she could never do it. After school, she was being beaten, so she didn't have time to watch cartoons anymore. And in the evenings when the shows she liked to watch were on- Jason was downstairs too, and her parents.

She didn't want to get made fun of for what she liked to watch. It was bad enough at school that the kids made fun of her for reading Star Trek books, and when nothing else was available, the encyclopedias in the classroom. Plus, in a weird way, she wanted to keep people away from her family- even the characters on tv. She wanted to protect herself and anyone in her world from her life. So, she stayed in her room. The only time now she could watch tv were times like this, when people were gone.

Will Riker was discussing something with Geordi and Worf. Lilly hardly paid attention. It's not like they mattered. Now Beverly, or Deanna they were worth paying attention to. After all, they weren't stupid boys. The one thing she could not understand about this tv show in the future was where were all the girls? Why weren't girls running everything?

If it was the future you'd think they'd have realized how much smarter girls are than boys," she announced to the tv. "They don't do stupid things, they aren't mean either."

This was about the future. So why wasn't a girl running the ship? Would be better than that old guy any day.

Still, she liked Geordi. He was nice. And Data and Wesley too. Worf was kind of scary though. And stupid or not,

"I bet none of them ever beat their sisters," she muttered. Which meant they were all smarter and nicer than Jason.

"_Damn it!"_

Lilly jumped up with a yell.

Jason had never come back home this quickly.

"Lilly, I'm gonna kick your ass!" The screamed words outside the house were easy to hear.

So frantic she nearly dropped her bowl of ice cream, Lilly ran first to the tv, switching it to another station, then turning the tv off. Then she quickly opened the drapes, then ran with her ice cream bowl to the kitchen, throwing it in the sink and running water in it.

She put her hand in the water and wiped her wet palm across her mouth, hoping to get any residual ice cream.

She threw the bowl and spoon in the dishwasher. She could hear Jason's footsteps up the walk. Her heart beat faster with every step. Desperately she ran to turn on all the lights she'd turned off, then ran faster than fast to the stairs.

She heard the back door opening as she got to the second step.

"Get out here, you little bitch! I know you put that rake in the yard on purpose!"

_True_.

She felt like a scared rabbit. She'd get beaten to death for sure. No one was there to stop him.

Sick with dread she ran as quickly and quietly as she could up the rest of the steps. With shaking hands she silently closed her door, and jumped into bed.

No sooner was she in bed, trying to catch her breath, hoping that Jason wouldn't persue her or she'd die first, Jason slammed her bedroom door open.

"You're gonna get it now, Lilly!"

She closed her eyes tight. Where was the Enterprise when you needed it?

Lilly closed her eyes tighter and curled into a ball, holding perfectly still.

_Transport me, transport me, transport me! _


	4. Chapter 4

"To hell with the Prime Directive."

Those were the words in her head when Lilly woke. To hell with the Prime Directive. And the person speaking them? The voice was Beverly Crusher's.

That made Lilly smile. Beverly was her favorite person on the Enterprise.

But now?

Lilly was packing a suitcase in her room, and admittedly thinking about Star Trek. Everyone really. The house was quiet. Of course now it was a lot quieter. The screaming had stopped. Half the reason for the screaming had left the house.

She kept packing and glared out the window.

"Adults are so stupid," she muttered.

Not that she really cared. She wasn't sad about it. They'd never cared about her, so what did it matter they didn't care for each other.

Jason had cried. She'd started laughing, and only laughed harder seeing Jason's tears.

Dad had come in and beaten her. "A fine way to react to that announcement", he'd told her. Along with, "And no wonder, the way you behave towards your loving brother. You just don't care about anyone."

"Jerk," she announced to the empty room.

No, not empty.

She heard Jason's footsteps behind her. Her entire body tensed, waiting.

"It's your fault anyway," he announced as he confidently strode into her room as if it were his. "You're such a selfish bitch. You always get whatever you want. You're the reason they divorced. They got sick of having to deal with you. This way, they'll only have to deal with you half the time."

He punched her in the nose, causing it to bleed immediately.

"But now I have to deal with this. I didn't want to. It's your fault. I was fine to just stay here forever. Now you've made them upset. I can't get what I want, because they're both miserable now. Because of you, of course. I bet they're wishing they'd never had you."

He punched her again.

"I sure do," he lamented.

Then he shoved her to the floor.

"And I'm going to make you pay, for all of this. I'll make you sorry you were ever born. That's a promise. And," he paused, smiling and kicked her hard in the gut, "this just means I'll have two separate houses to kick your ass." He grinned evilly, relishing the thought. "You'll never get away from me."

LINE BREAK (if anyone knows how to get FF to accept line breaks, please let me know!)

She took a deep breath and stretched-

and cried out in pain, quickly stopping all movement at the unexpected pain in her body and the odd sensation that her movement was being limited in some way, held down.

The room was dark, but Lilly quickly recognized it as "not her room". She whimpered realizing that she was alone, and this room was about a million miles from her room. From any's girls room she'd ever known. The scant light coming through the window showed this place as cold, empty. More like a science laboratory. As her eyes adjusted and she scanned the room she took in blinking lights attached to something that looked like a weird alien tv on wheels. Then she saw her arm. It had tubes going into it. She was horrified, but only long enough to take in that there was something on her face. She reached up with the tubed arm, but it was yanked painfully back down. The tubes apparently couldn't travel very far. She could see that the tubes were attached to a plastic bag of water, and a bag of something else, that was held high above her head.

A glance at her other arm revealed a much easier truth: it was covered in a cast from the shoulder down.

She twitched her nose, the thing on her face being of utmost importance. It was on, no, in her nose. And there was something on her head.

A door opened and Lilly heard someone approaching. She panicked for a moment, then realizing that the footsteps didn't belong to anyone in her family, lest of all Jason, she immediately relaxed.

She opened her eyes again and saw a woman's face in front of her.

"Hi there," the woman smiled. "Can't sleep?"

Lilly tried to swallow. Her throat was dry.

"Thirsty?" The woman held a styrofoam cup with a bendy straw in front of her. She put the straw in Lilly's mouth, and Lilly, grateful since she realized she was unable to move, took a sip.

Throat unparched there were so many things she wanted to say, but she didn't know where to start.

"We weren't expecting you to wake up so soon," the woman addressed her as if she had spoken. "That's quite a knock to the head you got. Not to mention all those broken bones."

Lilly blinked. I don't remember that.

"Among other things," she muttered.

Lilly just stared at her.

"Do you hurt anywhere?"

She nodded, but the movement produced pain as if she were having her skull cut open with a saw, so she stopped.

"I can fix that," she answered. "And, how'd you like to watch TV?"

Lilly smiled. Yes please, she thought. It worked for Deanna Troi. Maybe if she tried hard enough people could hear her thoughts, too.

The nurse turned the tv on. There was static, then a picture came into view.

"I'd change it to another show," she excused, "but most of the other stations have signed off by now. Plus, this tv has only one working station that comes in- this one. So, it's this or nothing."

Lilly watched a ship fly through stars. Yay!

"It's kinda like Star Wars. You've seen Star Wars, right?"

The nurse was doing something with the plastic bag and the tube. Lilly couldn't figure out what, so she stopped trying and watched the tv instead.

"Hey!"

Lilly looked back at the nurse. She was flicking the tube with her finger.

"Huh?"

"You've seen Star Wars, right?" She repeated.

Lilly was about to nod, then realized it would probably hurt.

Aloud she just answered, "Uh huh."

"Then you can watch this. It's practically the same thing. People in space n' all that. Certainly can't have you watchin' the other stuff that's on tv at this time of night. It's not like they have Sesame Street on now.

Sesame Street? Did this lady actually think she still watched Sesame Street? Okay, fine so she did, but it was only to find out what Maria and Luis were up to. She kinda felt like she'd abandoned them. Plus, she did like to see Gabby. She wouldn't mind having a baby sister like Gabby. Maybe she should write a letter to Sesame Street and see if they wanted to trade Gabby for Jason. Probably not. Not if they were smart they wouldn't.

Lilly felt her body getting heavy. She didn't hurt much either. She smiled. This was good.

The woman walked over to the tv and turned the volume up. Now Lilly could hear the show as opposed to just watching it.

She was listening to Wesley talk to his mother, but the picture kept going black. When there was light again Lilly was surprised to see the crew on the bridge. How'd they get there? She wondered. And where's Wesley and Beverly?

She was vaguely aware that the nurse was still in the room, but her eyes kept blinking heavily. They were closed when she heard another person in the room ask, "Did they call DCFS?"

She didn't know what that meant.

But Lilly heard the nurse answer, "They can't do anything."

Lilly tried to open her eyes again, she wanted to stay awake, but her eyes refused to cooperate.

"Hi there."

She blinked. Was that the guy from the tv?

"You probably don't realize who I am," he smiled, "but you will. Even though it goes against, well, everything about me, I've decided to help you."

"Well," he paused, "not exactly help. I'm sure you won't see it as help. I do have my limits, after all," he glared pointedly upward. "Or should I say," he muttered, "limits imposed upon me."

He looked up sharply, as if someone'd spoken to him.

"Rats. Well," he smiled, "I doubt you'll remember this conversation. I'll inform my friends that I have a gift for them, and for you, if you can manage to use it."

"Q".

"She's asleep again."

"That's probably for the best, all things considered."

"I love it when kids talk in their sleep."


	5. Chapter 5

It didn't take the former Mrs. Connor long to re-marry. Some scummy loser with two loser sons of his own. Not surprisingly they all got along perfectly with Jason. One older, one the same age as he. Lilly, at twelve, was obviously the youngest. Jason and Michael were both fourteen, Brad going on 16.

"Now you two make your new brothers comfortable," she'd said. "Help them with things."

Her mother'd smiled at the boys. Lilly hadn't.

Jason and the boys got plenty of opportunities to get to know one another before they were left alone in the house with Lilly.

So when Mom and Step-Jerk left for work while she and the boys were to have the run of the house till they got back, what with it being summer vacation and all, Lilly had a strong sense that something very bad was going to happen.

And it did.

Her first solid indication was when she was sleeping in her bed, sleeping late of course not having to worry about alarms or school, and the three boys slammed her bedroom door open wrenching her out of a sound sleep.

She knew by the amount of light coming through her window that it was mid-morning, and that her mother and step-father had left for work.

Lilly blinked the sleep out of her eyes. She was confused, and perhaps still too sleepy to be afraid.

"Hey," Brad grinned, and Lilly realized there was something frightening about the way he was looking at her.

"Wanna come downstairs for a game?"

Lilly realized she recognized that look. Jason wore it constantly. Brad wanted to hurt her.

No, her gut told her. Don't go anywhere with them.

"Mom said to be nice," Jason reminded her.

"Yeah," Michael added, "you're supposed to be nice to us."

"Now don't you want to be a good step-sister and come play a game with us?"

Lilly glared at him.

"No. Get out of my room!"

She rolled back over and pulled the covers over her head.

"I'm going back to sleep!"

"Not very friendly," Brad scolded.

"Not very friendly at all," Michael agreed.

"We're going out of our way to be nice," Jason added, "including you on cool older kid things, and this is how you act?"

There was something in the tone of their voices that sent chills through Lilly. Nonetheless it wasn't like they could actually do anything to her. They were just messing with her.

Then she felt strong hands grab her body.

Brad flung the covers off of her.

The next thing she knew the three of them were pulling her from bed, dumping her on the floor.

"Stop it!"

They paid no attention. The trio grabbed her flailing arms and legs dragging her out of her bedroom and down the hall.

She had no idea what they had in mind, but she knew it couldn't be good. She knew what Jason was capable of all by himself. What would these other boys who were even bigger than Jason do to her?

Lilly screamed and fought, knowing it was best to get away. They threw her down the stairs.

She banged and rolled and slammed down the incline feeling sharp pains in her shoulders, head and back.

No sooner was she at the foot of the stairs in a heap then the three were upon her again. They dragged her to the middle of the livingroom.

"Let me go!" She screamed.

"Strip her," Brad announced. "Get her pajamas off."

Lilly felt her body freeze. This wasn't possible.

She struggled, but they were too strong for her. They pushed her arms above her head, holding her until every shred of clothing was gone and she lay pinned down and naked on the floor.

Lilly was horrified, petrified and embarrassed.

Brad looked over her body and laughed. "You look like a boy, you know that?"

He grabbed her left breast in his hand. "My chest is bigger than yours!"

Lilly couldn't believe this. Jason had beaten her within an inch of her life on a daily basis for the past 5 years, but he'd never done anything like this.

Lilly felt as if her entire body was frozen, she couldn't even feel herself breathing.

She heard all of the boys laughing, but it sounded far away.

Maybe I'm dreaming. That's it! This is a nightmare! Relief washed over her. It was a bad dream, that's all. It would be over soon.

"We're doing you a favor, you know. As ugly as you are, no boy would ever want to touch you."

Brad stood over her, then glanced at Jason and Michael.

"Get her legs apart!"

Lilly was entirely confused. She didn't understand what was going on, but she knew it would not, could not be a good thing.

Then she felt their hands on her thighs, prying them apart. She heard her own voice screaming.

That was the first day of summer vacation.


	6. Chapter 6

They wouldn't give her her pajamas back when they were done "playing" with her. Instead they drew all the livingroom curtains wide open so that everyone on the busy street could see Lilly in her utter embarrassment and humiliation have to walk all the way across the livingroom, the hall, and up the stairs. She closed the door to her room, and feeling numb, as if sleep walking went to her dresser and closet picked out clothes for the day and put them on. Then she stood in front of her mirror and stared hard at her face. As if her face could give her an answer. Like, what was wrong with her. What had changed about her to make this happened?

She brushed back her dark hair from her forehead and stared hard into the mirror, looking for answers. All she saw was her green eyes staring back at her, looking as frightened and confused as she felt. Lilly shrugged. She still looked the same on the outside. But on the inside? Her feelings, her brain, her body all felt like a broken mirror.

Lilly didn't leave her room when she heard her mother and step-father arrive back from work. She sat in her room for 8 hours straight, not moving, not thinking, not speaking- until she was called down to dinner.

That's when things got really strange.

Brad grinned at her and with all his southern charm held the chair and pushed it in for her when she sat down.

"Can I get you anything?" He asked.

Lilly blinked baffled by the niceness and the expression on Brad's face. Then she looked at Jason and at Michael. They all had the exact same looks on their faces. As if they hadn't all done what they'd done.

It made her brain hurt.

She was confused, she didn't know what to say other than, "No."

Brad sat back down and Lilly sat there watching, feeling numb disbelief as everything at dinner went on as it had for months. As if nothing had happened at all. As if everything were fine.

"So," she heard her mother's voice as if it were very far away, "Did you kids have a good day today?"

_No._

"An awesome day," Brad assured her. "Dinner is delicious, by the way. My mom doesn't cook this good."

The smile on his face made Lilly feel sick.

Jason spoke up next.

"So me and Michael and Brad were thinking of going outside once it's dark to play kick the can. You wanna play with us?"

It took a long moment for Lilly to realize that Jason was actually speaking to her, referring to her, asking her if she wanted to go play.

"That way it'll be even," Michael added, "two on a side."

Lilly wasn't sure if she was dead, or if her brain had stopped working. They were all acting like nothing had happened at all. Nothing!

She looked at her mother, at her step-father, at the table full of food and smiling faces then right back at the three of them.

Maybe it _was_ a dream.

She stared down at her plate trying to make sense of it. She bit her lip, and shoved her hair nervously behind her ear, alternating between hiding behind her hair and pushing it back. She didn't know what to do. It was beyond confusing. She didn't know what to think. This didn't seem normal. None of it seemed normal. But everyone was acting as if everything were fine.

_What do I do? In school they just said what to do if a stranger touches you in bad places. What do you do when it's your own family?_

It was so confusing! But they all were acting normal. Maybe it really was just in her head. Maybe nothing happened.

Finally she decided they wouldn't ask her to play if they'd really done something wrong to her. They'd know she wouldn't want to play with them.

_Maybe I just fell asleep again after I got dressed this morning. _

_I must have imagined it. That would explain why none of it makes sense. Because nothing like this would really happen._

"Lilly?" Brad's voice broke her from her thoughts.

"Huh?"

"You wanna come with us?"

"Uh...sure, I guess."

Brad smiled a smile wide enough to split his face. "Awesome!"

He looked over at Michael, "See, I told you having a lil' sister would be cool!"

Lilly blushed and looked down. She didn't need to look up though to hear the smile in her mother's voice as she announced in a voice so happy sounding she'd probably cry,

"I'm so glad you children are getting along so well so quickly."

She sniffled.

_Yup_, Lilly rolled her eyes under closed lids in disgust,_ she's crying. What a sap!_

"What with Lilly and Jason never being able to get along, it's just so nice to see you boys all getting along with her and trying to make us all a family."

Without warning Lilly felt the little food she'd been able to choke down coming back up. Pushing back her chair Lilly ran to the hall bathroom and puked.

"Hey, let's go!"

She opened her bedroom door and saw Brad standing there. Lilly stared at him confused. They'd all been more than willing participants, but Brad had been the ring-leader.

He didn't look guilty, or sorry or ashamed or like he'd done anything wrong at all. He just had a normal look on his face.

"What's the matter with you?" He asked. "Let's go!"

They actually wanted to hang out with her. Weird. Jason couldn't stand to be around her, unless he was hitting her. And admittedly both Brad and Micheal were cool kids, that was obvious the moment she saw them.

They wanted her around. Cool older boys. Actually wanted to include her in things.

But...

Michael and Jason came up to her. "What's the hold up! We've only got till ten o'clock!"

Normal. Like nothing was wrong. No, better than normal, because these boys were being nice to her. She wasn't used to that with Jason.

She shook her head. It must have been a weird dream. She hurried after the trio into the dark night, trying not to notice how much her legs ached.

Back at the house, tired but happy all Lilly heard was the echoes of their laughter and their heavy breathing from running so much.

"We should do this again tomorrow night," Jason spoke first.

"Right on. You guys have some awesome places to hide around here."

It was true. They'd played in the playground across the street. Lilly'd never played the game before, never even heard of it, but it seemed to be just about the same as hide and seek. And thanks to years of trying to hide from Jason, Lilly could beat God at hiding. So, her team, she and Brad won the game.

She was walking up the stairs to bed, thinking about the day and having fun playing outside just now. How could it make sense? If that really happened, how could they be so mean? But then if it did happen, why would they want her to go out and play games with them?

Lilly paused on the stairs, and bit her lip, thinking hard.

Maybe they realized their mistake, and this was their way of trying to make it up to her. They were probably too embarrassed about what happened to speak of it.

_Yes! That's it! That makes sense!_

Lilly felt a wave of relief at the thought. Now everything made sense. Of course! They were sorry! It wouldn't happen again. Everything would be okay now.

Lilly was happily getting into bed when she heard a voice say,

"Shouldn't we do something?"

Another voice answered it. "We can't."

_I really must be crazy._

The voices sounded like Beverly Crusher and Will Riker.

_Definitely crazy._

_===Glad you guys are reading! Keep letting me know what you think. I'm trying to make this as honest as possible- except of course for the completely impossible part! More on that to come.========_


	7. Chapter 7

Her door slamming open made Lilly's heart jump in terror. Jolted out of a sound sleep.

"Wake up!" Jason called her.

Eyes fully open now, Lilly's heart pounded so hard in her chest, and her throat was so tight it felt like she was choking to death.

All three of them had the sickening looks on their faces that they'd had before.

_It wasn't a dream._

Dread rushed fully into her body so that it felt weighted down with tons of cement. It was too much for her to take, the horror of this reality, of this being real.

They all looked at her the way a starving person looks at food, coupled with the need to be violent and hurt something and looking forward to the hurting.

Michael grabbed her arm as Jason pulled the covers from her body.

Lilly screamed, realizing that not only was this real, but that no one else was home. There was no one to save her from this.

A scream of sheer terror tore itself from her body, like part of her soul was trying to escape, get away from her body so it wouldn't have to suffer her fate. She'd only heard screams like that in horror movies. Now Lilly understood why the women screamed like that, she was living that horror now.

"There's no point in trying to fight," Brad pointed this out politely, in a calm voice.

The way that the gentleness of his words contrasted with the violence of his body and in his eyes only served to confuse Lilly more.

"Any one of us by ourselves is stronger than you," he added just pointing out simple fact.

Jason laughed, "You can't get away from us."

But that didn't mean she didn't try. She kept screaming and fighting, now knowing exactly what they were going to do to her. As they tried to pull her from bed, in a move of sheer desperation Lilly dug her fingernails deep into the wooden frame of her bed. Her bedframe was made of solid oak wood, they'd bought it for her last year. But it wasn't strong enough to keep her from them.

The harder they pulled, the harder Lilly made her fingers hold on, her fingernails dig into the wood. She thought of her fingernails as claws. Maybe she could escape. Climb up a tree and get away like a cat. In the end Lilly's hands were dripping blood from the shards of wood driven deep under her fingernails.

"Now see what you did to yourself?" Jason asked her. "If you'd just not fight that would never have happened."

"He's right you know," Brad answered, "you did that to yourself. You made that happen, not us."

"And if you try to tell anyone, well they'd never believe you. It's your word against ours." Michael said this as if it were helpful.

"And everyone knows you're a liar," Michael added, "telling all those lies about Jason being mean to you."

"No one will ever believe you."

Lilly kept on fighting and trying, but it did no good. They still managed to get her down the stairs and into the livingroom, which seemed to be their chosen place to torment her.

The worst part was she knew their words were horrified her. How could no one believe this was happening to her? It was a nightmare in her own home.

"And that's why no one's gonna believe you," Brad voice droned on at if answering her thoughts.

Even though Lilly was screaming and yelling, fighting and kicking, all three teens continued to speak sense quietly with one another, and with her apparently.

"Who's going to believe that your own brothers would hurt you? You know we love you, we'd never do anything like that."

Michael yanked her pajama bottoms off. "Hold her," he reminded them.

They were looking at her, touching parts of her naked body that she'd often tried to wish away. Parts that embarrassed her. Things that had never been there before were suddenly sprouting on her body and she didn't like it. It'd started about two years ago, and didn't seem to be stopping. She hadn't liked it back then, and she still didn't now.

_I never asked for a new body_, she'd told herself examining all this barely there newness in the bathroom mirror a year or two back. _I want my old one back._ It was like getting a Christmas present that you never ever wanted, and what's worse no one would let you return it, and you were forced to wear it everyday.

And now there were side effects that came along with this new body, like bad medicine. People thinking they had the right to have their hands all over it. It horrified her and sickened her at the same time. She didn't even like to touch this body of hers, it didn't even feel like hers, certainly didn't look like it. But she sure as heck didn't want anyone else touching it.

Maybe I'm possessed with some sort of demon, she'd imagined. A demon who apparently wants to look like Barbie. She'd looked at her barely there chest, the two lumps of flesh appearing out of nowhere like an anthill in the ground.

"Disgusting," she'd pronounced. It meant nothing but bad things- tv confirmed that. It meant suddenly boys would be following her around and want to be around her all the time, or worse she might want to be around them!

Sick. She'd shook her head, watching her braids bob back and forth in the mirror, making a solemn promise to herself. _I'm never going to like boys, and I'm never going to let them touch me, I don't care what this weird Barbie-body wants._

"And you, she'd pointed to her head, "aren't going to become stupid just because of these," she jabbed a finger in the direction of her chest. Even though the boys at school were teasing her and all the other girls "flat as a board!", Lilly could see something. At least the beginnings of something, and she hated it.

But this was worse. This was so much worse than what she could ever have thought of on her own. She'd thought her body betrayed her. Now it was like other people were betraying her body.

Being pinned down naked as anything seemed to confirm it, although of course in horrible ways she could never have imagined two years ago. She thought puberty meant her body was attacking her and changing her, not that it meant other people would want to attack her body. A whole new problem she'd never even dreamed of.

They were boys, and they sure seemed to want to be around her. The hands on her chest, rubbing against her as if they were petting a dog, and especially the hands between her legs, touching that absolutely disgusting hair that Lilly was sure should not ever be there had no purpose and was just gross as hell, not to mention a horrible way to announce to the world, hey look at me! Look at how my body is changing!

_They have no right to do this! Just because I don't like me doesn't mean they get to treat me like trash. Sure my body's all gross looking now, but that still doesn't give them the right to do this to me._

Lilly felt her stomach churning at the feel of these disgusting boy hands on her body. It was her body, wasn't it? Hers! Why were they touching it like it was theirs? Like it was their property? Why?She closed her eyes tight and tried not to throw up. She couldn't be absolutely certain of course, but she had a feeling that if she threw up now, it would be bad. Really bad.

She held her lips and jaw tight, willing them not to open and let her puke.

_Don't throw up, don't throw up, don't throw up!_


	8. Chapter 8

_I'm a little bummed out that only one person is reading, but oh well. I think it's an awesome story. Of course sadly it's also a true story, but more on that later. It's an awesomely horrible story. And I do like telling the truth, far too few people can stand it and they should. That's why stuff like this continues to happen- people still keep quiet about it far too often. Okay off the soapbox and on with the story. By the way get a snack, it's a long chapter~!_

Bright light made her eyes open. The minute they did, Lilly sighed in relief all the tension and weight in her body released. She felt so happy about that she wanted to cry.

It's not that I'm on the Enterprise, she thought, it's that they're not here.

And sure enough they weren't. She looked all around her. Nothing but empty hallway.

"A hallway on the Enterprise!" she corrected herself aloud, giggling. "Stupid. They call it a cooridor here."

A few steps down the empty cooridor however and Lilly's elation turned more serious.

She hurried, knowing exactly who she was looking for, and that time was of the essence. After all she didn't know how long she could stay there.

She raced into then out of the turbolift. Here, running was okay. Here, her legs didn't hurt.

_It was today, Friday, the fifth day in a row that Lilly realized they were never going to stop. And what was worse? _

_No one was going to stop them. _

_On Friday, mid useless yelling and fighting she looked at the door again. The same as she'd done on Monday, on Tuesday, on Wednesday and on Thursday; hoping, praying that someone would walk in and see what was happening and save her. _

_Someone._

_Anyone._

_But no one did. It was on Friday that she realized she would not be saved, and that this horrible morning routine was going to continue on until she died._

_Part of her, as much as she wanted to be saved, hoped no one would walk through that door and see her like this. She was embarrassed. She thought it was embarrassing what they were doing to her, and that she was totally naked. If anyone were to walk in, they'd probably think it was funny. And the boys would convince them it was a game, a joke. _

_People laughed when people pulled down other people's pants. This was no different as far as Lilly could see. It would probably be funnier because she was naked._

_So either no one stopped this, or someone walked in and thought the situation Lilly found herself in was funny. She really couldn't see her mother getting upset or believing her- not given how she'd never cared when Jason beat her. She was covered in bruises and still no one believed her. _

_And that was just Jason vs. her. Now with three seemingly charming boys against her? It didn't take a brain surgeon to see who was going to win. They said if she ever told anyone they'd kill her. And repeated that no one would believe her anyway. With the evil looks in all their eyes, Lilly believed every word. _

_They'd bandaged her hands and said she'd slipped while climbing a tree and got splinters._

_When her mother looked slightly concerned about her hands, Brad took Lilly aside and punched her._

"_If you're not careful," he hissed, "if she even suspects you're not okay, that you're not doing awesome and having fun with us all day," he paused and took a breath in. "I'll make what happened today look like paradise."_

_She'd rubbed her shoulder when he walked away. Brad was all muscle, stronger than Jason and Michael combined. Now her arm hurt, too. She was sure there'd be a bruise._

_Her legs were her biggest concern though. Lilly's body literally was their playing field. It's like they went out of their way to try and humiliate her. Whatever was the most humiliating, that's what they'd do. _

_What they did on Monday seemed sort of okay. Sure it was humiliating, and horribly, horribly painful but nothing worse than that. She was used to pain, wasn't she? It would be stranger to her if they had treated her well. She didn't expect good treatment, even though deep down she resented that she didn't get it from anyone. Once they'd gotten her pajamas off they decided to play another game. _

_They'd all been given super-soaker squirt guns the day Brad and Michael arrived. The two of them and Jason had raced outside to play with them; now they had a new way to use their they just loved was spreading Lilly's legs apart and then squirting into her nether regions with their squirt gun. It was "perfect target practice", they said. But that wasn't the worst of it. The worst of it was the position they got her in when they wanted her legs apart. _

_One person would pull one leg to the side as far as it would go, while another did the same on the opposite side. Monday she'd been on her back. Jason and Michael lifted her legs to the ceiling, then pulled them apart, trying to get them to touch the floor. _

_Lilly had never been good at splits, she wasn't flexible at all. So she knew the best thing to do was to try to keep her legs together, their pulling and her pushing against them felt like a war inside her body. A war she was losing. _

_Finally Jason sat on one leg, and Michael sat on the other forcing each leg to the floor, and pinning Lilly down in the process._

_On Tuesday when they took her pajamas off, she was horrified to see what had become of her healthy yet slightly pale legs. From her crotch down to her knees on both legs, the inside of her thighs were completely, entirely black._

_It looked as though someone had placed an enormous iron on her legs and burned her black. The black was exactly the shape of an iron, wider at the top of her thighs and tapering down to her knee._

_She'd never seen a bruise like that before. But of course the boys thought nothing of it, Jason propped her up against the footstool so that she was sitting up while they pried her legs apart and then held them that way. She screamed in agony at the motion. Fighting proved to be too painful. _

_Whichever the position they put her in on any given morning, the routine was the same- each boy used the force and weight of his whole body to keep her legs open, while the third got in some "target practice". _

_This was the humiliating part. This is what she prayed no one would ever see._

_How could she let them do that to her? If anyone walked in they would think she was letting them do this, and she'd probably get in trouble. They'd think she was sick and nasty, and that it was all her idea. Three boys couldn't come up with the idea on their own. _

_But she couldn't help it. They were right, after all. She wasn't strong enough to fight one of them off, let alone all three, and who would believe her?_

_And they were using squirt guns, toys, so it couldn't be wrong, there couldn't be mean intent with toys, so no one would think it was really wrong. It was clearly a game. You can't get in trouble for playing a game, no matter that or how you're using another person for target practice. Maybe other people would laugh, or want to join in. _

_It couldn't be seen as wrong. Not like the way that rape is wrong. Everyone knows rape is wrong, but this? People would thing she was making a big deal out of nothing, and that was the best case scenario Lilly could imagine resulting from anyone finding out about this._

_Every other day that week, they'd used a variation of the same theme._

_Lilly wore jeans every day to cover up her blackened legs . When Mom asked about it, she'd just said the first lie that came into her head, "I'm tired of wearing shorts." Even though it was 90 degrees outside. Her mother just shrugged and walked away._

Lilly thought about all this as she frantically and hurriedly rang the doorchime in front of her. _Please be home, please be home, please be home!_

Suddenly she stepped back, worried, realizing that no one inside knew who she was or why she was there.

Uh oh.

It was right at that moment, before Lilly could think of something smart to say that the door slid open. Lilly was face to face with Wesley Crusher.

"Wesley!" She squealed and let out a sigh of relief.

Wesley cocked an eyebrow, and looked steadily at her. "Can I help you?"

Lilly's mouth dropped open. Oops. She frowned, realizing he knew nothing about her, and didn't know her at all, even though she knew everything about him. She shook her head to clear away any apprehension, after all she had nowhere else to go. This had to work. It had to.

"I'm here to see your mother, Dr. Crusher."

"Oh." Still obviously confused he stepped back and motioned her in. "Well, come on in."

Lilly stepped into the quarters she'd seen so many times before, and felt at home instantly. This is so much better than being home, she thought.

Wesley nodded to the couch. "Just have a seat, I'll go get my mom."

Lilly felt butterflies in her stomach as she stepped into the room and neared the couch. Did she dare sit? She couldn't stand to lose it all after all the work she'd gone thru to get there.

"Oh, Wesley," she called feeling giddy that she'd said it out loud as if she really did belong there, "your Mom probably won't know who I am, or maybe she will, I don't know. Just tell her I need her help."

"Uh, okay," the response came back hesitant.

She watched Beverly Crusher walk in the room moments after Wesley left. Lilly found herself nearly shaking with fear, but was unable to do anything to stop it. She could only hope that somehow Beverly would know. With as much hoping, praying and wishing, if someone needed something, someone so badly, that person which was needed would have to know it, sense it somehow, didn't they? She just had to know, somehow, how much Lilly needed her. Certainly her need for the Enterprise crew, every one of them was so strong, it just couldn't go unnoticed, could it?

Beverly smiled genuinely, warmly extended her hand to Lilly.

She doesn't even know me, she thought and she's nice. As she took Dr Crusher's hand in turn her elation faded, as she thought, what if she doesn't know it? What'll I do? There's nowhere else for me to go.

"Hi, I'm Beverly Crusher."

Beverly continued to smile as she sat down and asked, "What can I do for you?"

Her smile was so confident, so honestly happy; Lilly just couldn't get over it. It was unbelievable. The woman was so strong and in control of her life, so content and secure and unafraid. So completely opposite of how Lilly felt now.

Instead of answering, she just stared at her in awe, her mouth agape. She blinked, and tried to take in, suck in, all the safety, love and security she felt at that moment. All these things Dr. Crusher emanated.

Beverly stared at her, then laughed a small laugh, shaking her head. "I've completely forgotten myself! Are you hungry?" She laughed again and looked at Lilly . "Why do I even ask- you're a growing girl,I know you're hungry." She stood up and turned back to her again, "Would you like some cookies?"

Lilly was stunned. She stared at her in complete disbelief. Beverly Crusher was so opposite from her mother, from the parental figures that were around her everyday. Of course she was hungry. But instead of an answer, all she could get out was,

"Uhh.."

She swallowed again and closed her mouth, suddenly afraid Beverly would leave her, and knowing that what the doctor possessed was far more substantial than food, and was what Lilly needed most right now. But Beverly already had her back to Lilly and was walking to the replicator.

"Wait!"Lilly called out.

Beverly turned around with a worried look in her eyes.

Lilly let out a long breath.

"I..," she began. "I wa-", she stopped her mind spinning. I want, she was going to say, but want what? Why was she really there? Could she really say?

Crusher had moved somehow so that it was impossible for Lilly to avoid her eyes. Lilly looked at her again, then around at the room, every item and everything spoke of a strong love, of care, she couldn't help but think how instantly at ease she felt there, even from the moment she walked in the door. Then she remembered fully why she was there. Her eyes grew wide and damp.

"I wanna stay here!" She blurted the words out, saying her true heart's desire, her need for a place like this. "Please?" I can't go home. Don't make me go home!"

Utter despair seized her as thoughts of her home came to her I can't go back there, I just can't! Unable to control herself she started sobbing.

The next instant she immediately felt strong arms around her. Not an obligatory embrace, or a forced one, but an honest caring one. The arms spoke of a person who lived for others, and loved to share their joys, as much as being needed to comfort them. Dr. Crusher's arms held her, shielded her, the way a person who loves another will. Lilly sank all her weight, her fatigue into Beverly, as she was suddenly exhausted, unable to hold up under the weight of her life.

"I can't go back there!" She sobbed. "I'll die!" I can't go!"

"It's alright," Crusher spoke softly. "No one's going to make you go anywhere."

She swallowed a sob and sniffled, saying, "I know people like me must come to you all the time, and you're sick of it. but, it wouldn't happen if," she choked back another sob, "if you all weren't so nice."

"It's okay," she heard Wesley's voice at her shoulder. "No one will make you go anywhere. If you're safe here, don't worry, my mom won't let you go back to a place that isn't."

She felt her body relax then, hearing the assurance of safety was almost better than their caring.

Lilly grinned widely. And finally, she thought, somewhere I'm wanted. That was the best thing of all.

She sighed in relief and opened her eyes, lifting her head up to meet the eyes she was certain were staring at her.

She smiled, and blinked, then her face fell in utter despair. The only things to meet her eyes were the backs of Brad, Jason and Michael as they walked away from her, the ceiling and the entertainment center towering over her.

Her face crumpled into sadness, "Great," she moaned, "I get the family from hell, the only place I could ever get kindness and attention really is in my dreams!"


	9. Chapter 9

Wow. I'm really touched by the reviews. You guys really have your thinking caps on! I was going to put the Enterprise crew in this, but it was too long, so I'll put them in next, k? Okay.

"Sara? Can you come over?"

"I guess so."

"I mean, I know we haven't like, talked or hung out in a couple years but, I just thought maybe.."

"I guess. I don't have anything else to do. Where's your new house?"

Lilly felt her body jump.

"Oh, you don't have to come over," she assured her. "Just ride your bike to North Avenue and 124th street. I'll meet you there."

"Okay. Gimme like a half hour. I'll be over there by then."

Lilly sighed in relief. "Awesome," she answered feeling almost giddy, "I'll see you then."

"'Kay."

Lilly hung up the phone and squealed in delight.

"Hey, shut up!" She could tell Brad was yelling this from the livingroom, where the boys were playing video games. Again.

She rolled her eyes. Jerk.

"I'm going out," she announced, grabbing her keys and running out the door.

"Whatever," she heard Brad call, "just be back before anyone gets home. We don't wanna get in trouble because of you."

"Yeah," Michael laughed, "we're responsible for you. If we let anything bad happen to you, it'd be our fault."

Jason laughed.

It sure was turning out to be a horrible summer. Middle school'd been bad enough, but at least she'd made some friends there. Too bad all of them lived too far away to visit. The only people that still lived nearby were all her sort of friends and not at all friends. They all went to the same middle school of course, they just didn't speak to one another. They all pretended each other didn't exist.

"Hey! There you are! You were supposed to be at the corner!"

Lilly was startled out of her thoughts hearing Sara's voice and watching her ride past her on her old yellow bike. Lilly watched silently as Sara rode down to the end of the block and doubled back to where Lilly was sitting.

Not wanting Sara to be anywhere near that house Lilly stood up and casually started walking down the street away from the house. Sara rode next to her.

"So, what's up with you?" She asked.

Lilly shrugged. "Nothing much."

"How's your new step-dad?"

She shrugged again. "Fine, I guess."

"What've you been doing all summer?"

"It's only been summer for a week," Lilly reminded her.

"Yeah," she agreed, "but you don't want to waste it. I've spent every day so far at the pool."

Lilly nodded.

"Last weekend my dad took me up by the lake"

Lilly was barely aware of what Sara was talking about. All she could think about was having to walk back in that door.

Should I tell her?

What do I say?

What if she doesn't believe me?

What if she tells my mom and she doesn't believe me?

What if she does and they get in trouble?

That was the worse part. They weren't angry with her when they did these things to her. She shuddered to think what they were capable of when angry.

It's not like they would be put in jail. At most, Lilly could see her mother yelling at the boys, but nothing else. Then leaving her alone with them as usual.

Then they'd be angry with her, and probably do even worse things.

She stared at Sara's face. It was already tanned dark. Her face was round and open her eyes and her smile unafraid as she stood there over her bike, her long blond hair whipping in the wind.

Lilly hoped she didn't look how she felt- terrified and ashamed.

"Lilly?"

"Huh?"

"I asked what've you done so far?"

Tried not to die.

"Oh, um, nothing much. Just watched tv n' stuff."

Sara nodded. "Cool."

Lilly felt as if she were living a nightmare by day, and in some alternate reality by night. The boy's behavior changed like night and day when their parents were around. Everyone acting as if they hadn't had their hands all over her hours before.

Lilly still couldn't figure out why they were doing this to her. What had she ever done to them to make them treat her this way? Sure maybe she was ugly, or mean like they said, but did that mean she deserved this?

If she told Sara what could Sara do about it? Maybe tell her Mom, but then what?

Lilly took a deep breath.

"Sara, what would you do if- I mean, actually my step brothers-"

"Oh, sorry!" Sara's face wrinkled in regret. "I gotta go. I forgot my mom said she wanted me to clean the house before she got home for lunch. That's like, in a half hour."

Lilly stood frozen, with her mouth still open. She felt foolish. Unimportant. And stupid.

"Uh...okay." Was all she could think of to answer.

Sara was already riding away.

Lilly looked back at the house. It looked like a nice house, the white picket fence kind, almost. However it felt like the house of hell. Her living hell. They'd done it to her again that morning. They weren't going to stop. Lilly knew she had to tell. But she also knew her mother would never believe her, nor would Steve, her step-father. They were both too busy working anyhow to bother with her.

And Dad?

She gave a short laugh aloud. Never.

When she walked back in the house, she noticed a change in the atmosphere. Something felt off.

"Hey."

She turned suddenly to see Brad standing next to her.

"I want you to understand that you can't tell anyone anything. We're gonna start to watch you, to make sure you act right."

"If you don't," he shrugged and put his hands up as if to show it was of no consequence to him, "we'll have to punish you."

"For your own good," Jason added.

"Yup," Michael smiled.

"After all," Brad smiled as well, "it's our job to protect you. If something happened to you, we'd all be blamed- I mean, crushed."

He put his heavy arm around Lilly's boney shoulder.

In a whisper, a tone that people use when they're trying to be nice and do you a favor Brad added, "You know, I don't think it's a good idea for you to go outside anymore."

At Lilly's shocked look Brad just nodded, understandingly. "I know it seems harsh," his face reflected sympathy that made Lilly's blood freeze, "but," he smiled, "we can't have you telling lies on us, can we?"

He spoke to her as if she were a two-year-old.

Jason stood up from the spot he'd taken on the couch.

"From now on, things are going to change. Everytime you do something we don't like, you'll be punished for it."

"It's only to help you, of course," Michael explained. "The less mistakes you make, the better. Soon, you probably won't make any mistakes."

All three nodded in unison.

There was something horrible about it, something sickening that Lilly couldn't name- but it frightened her. The looks on their faces. The odd behavior. Trying to sound as if they were helping her.

PS- if you've gotten this far I'll assume you're pretty into the story. Here's some news for you, Lilly herself is going to be writing her own story here about how Trek is helping her to recover and heal, and how it kept her alive during her captivity. Just thought you hardcore readers might be interested in a heads up. I have no idea though when she's going to post it. She told me she'd made an account for herself and has been writing, but other than that, that's all I know. For some reason it looks like didn't let me post the link to her blog, but it's on blogger. I guess is you search that site you'll probably find it.


	10. Chapter 10

Good news! Lilly's got her story up on here now! I'm both excited and proud of her. It takes guts to do what she's doing. The story is called "Going Backwards to Go Forward". At least I think that's it. Now go read it! I think it'll be interesting. It'll sure be honest, that's for sure.

"Hey! So how's your summer going?"

Hearing her best friend Alicia's voice on the other end of the line filled Lilly with relief and happiness, and the reminder that she wasn't alone.

"No school?" She asked. "It's pretty good."

"Yeah. I thought I was gonna have to go to summer school, but nope."

"That's cool."

"Yeah, so what've you been up to?"

_Being hurt by my brothers._

"Nothing much. Brad and Michael, Steven's sons are here."

"Yuck! Step-brothers! Are they worse than Jason?"

"About the same."

"That sucks!"

"Yup."

"I wish you could come over here," she began, her voice breaking over the word here.

"I know, it's only been a week, but I miss seeing your skinny butt every day."

Lilly faked a carefree laugh. "Yeah, I miss you too."

She almost said, I'd rather be at school than here, but quickly shut her mouth.

"When do you go back to your dad's?"

She sighed. "Not for a while. Mom made some sort of agreement with Dad, so we'd have extra time to get to know the steps."

"Like you care."

"Exactly."

"Why would you? Hello, they're boys. Geez, your mom could just let you stay at your dad's and Jason can hang out with the boys."

"I'm all for that. Sadly, you know my parents."

"Yeah, Alicia sighed, "I do."

"So's your mom still think I'm a bad influence?"

"Yup. Still forbidding me to hang out with you."

"That's how I like it." Lilly could hear Alicia grinning. "Not like I could get a ride over to your place anyways. Not that I'd want to come over to your house. But your mom would never drive you over here."

She heard one of the boys coming down the stairs.

"I gotta go," she whispered.

Then she heard her mother and step-father coming down the stairs.

"Hey," Steve spoke to her as he walked into the kitchen, "how'd you guys like to go to the lake?"

First Lilly was excited. She loved to go swimming. But then she realized the asshole boys would be coming too. That ruined it. _Crap._

"Sweet!" Michael called out. He'd been the one walking down the stairs.

"Hey, we're goin' to the lake!" He hollered up the stairs to Brad and Jason.

In no time Lilly heard their feet pounding down the stairs.

"We're goin' to the lake!" Michael repeated as Brad and Jason walked into the kitchen.

Lilly watched her mother smile. "Yes," she answered. "We thought it'd be nice to take you guys out for some fun. You've all been so responsible while Steve and I have been at work. That's not easy to do, I know. But you haven't set the house on fire, or had the cops called. We believe in occassionally rewarding good behavior, although good behavior is it's own reward."

Lilly looked at her as if she'd grown an extra head.

"Well, go get your swim suits on!" Steve admonished them, motioning a hand to the stairs.

It was when Lilly remembered the bruises on her legs that she realized she couldn't go swimming. Not without Mom and Steve seeing. And she didn't need a reminder of what would happen to her if they found out.

Lilly found her long jean shorts. Shorts that went down to her knees and would hide all the bruises. She was just going to wear shorts over her swimsuit, but then a better idea popped into her head, one that would make her excuse more believeable.

LINE BREAK HERE

"So, you're not going swimming?"

Lilly's Mom asked this as the boys rushed from the beach into the water. She stayed back, fully clothed.

"No," she answered as if she didn't care.

They watched Steve walking into the water. Lilly bit back a laugh at how pasty white he was.

"You're not going swimming," she countered.

"I've had two children," she gave excuse. "But, I still plan on lying on the beach and getting some sun. Just...not wearing a swimsuit that shows everything."

Indeed. Her mother was wearing shorts shorter than Lilly's, sandles and a tank top.

"Do you have sun screen on?"

"Yeah," Lilly answered, annoyed. It wasn't like any part of her could get sunburned. Her shirt went down to her wrists. She'd only get sun from the knees down.

The new Mrs. Baker continued to walk alongside Lilly as Lilly headed to a shady spot. She planned on lying down and getting some sleep. The less she moved, the more time her legs could heal.

"Why aren't you swimming?" Her mother prodded.

Lilly almost smiled with pride at the lie she'd come up with.

"I'm on my period," she answered casually, as if she'd had years of experience with this thing she was glad she knew nothing about.

Her mother stopped stock-still, mouth open. Then she smiled and hugged Lilly.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Mrs. Baker's voice squealed.

Lilly shrugged. "It's no big deal."

"No big deal?! This is momentus!" She was quiet for a moment then asked, "How long have you been getting it for?"

Again Lilly shrugged. "A few months."

Talking about something so gross as periods made Lilly feel gross and awkward. Her legs hurt and she wanted to lie down, so she veered off to the uphill part of the beach by the trees. Without another word she began unrolling her beach blanket.

She was startled when she heard her mother's voice next to her asking, "So, do you need anything? Pads? Did you bring them with you?" She asked. "Do you want to talk about anything? Have any questions?"

Lilly shuddered. Gross!

"No," she answered with pure conviction.

"Okay, okay, I was just asking."

Lilly felt gross. Then she remembered what she'd told herself when she left Sara. I have to tell.

She waited for what seemed like an appropriate amount of time while her mother applied tanning lotion to herself. Quietly she said,

"Mom?"

Mrs. Baker looked at her. "Yes?"

There was a smile on her face and a bright look in her eyes. Lilly grimaced. _She thinks I wanna talk about periods and she's happy about it! Gross!_

She sighed aloud, not knowing what to do. She didn't want to upset her.

"Um...," she began.

"What is it, honey?"

"Um, well," she paused again, "it's-it's Jason. And Brad. And Michael."

"What about them?" Her mom was laying her towel out in a place the sun was hitting.

_Oh no._ She hadn't planned this. She didn't know what to say. If she didn't say the right thing, her mom would never believe her.

"Well," she squeaked, thinking it over feeling that she needed to break her mother into the idea rather than just tell all, "they're...they're being mean to me," Lilly finished. Then she looked down, not able to make eye contact anymore.

"What do you mean?"

"Well"

She couldn't do it. She just couldn't. She couldn't say it.

"They're just being mean to me. Calling me names and stuff."

It was true. It just wasn't the whole truth.

"Oh."

"Well, they're boys. That's what boys do."

Lilly sighed, admittedly dissapointed.

"I guess," she answered doubtfully.

"I'll talk to Steve. He'll talk to the boys," she smiled.

_Uh oh._

"No! No, he doesn't need to do that!" She rememebered the last thing Brad had said to her.

"Yes, he does. The boys are there with you all day. They need to respect you. And they're all old enough to behave like young men, not little boys. Steve will straighten them out."

Lilly closed her eyes tight and wished she could dissapear. She knew the boys wouldn't do anything to her over the weekend while the adults were there. But come Monday?

_Shit_.


	11. Chapter 11

Brad was looking at her, shaking his head as if he felt greived, sorry for her. Dissapointed.

"We told you what what would happen," his words were soft, with a hint of warning and the tone that he didn't want to say what he had to say.

"We told you you'd be punished if anyone suspected anything. If anyone tried to ruin our fun."

"And ," he shoved her to the floor, "you took the toast with the most butter on it on Sunday morning. You knew I wanted that piece."

Michael stood over her. "You tried to tell on us."

"You got us in trouble," Jason added.

"Now we're supposed to be nice to you," he rolled his eyes.

"You thought we were mean before?" Brad scoffed. "Well, we'll just give you something to really cry about then. Teach you to complain, that's for sure."

"So now we have to punish you for Sunday breakfast and for trying to tell, and for our Dad bitching at us about not calling you names."

"From now on," Michael was holding her down and stripping her shirt off while Jason unfastened her training bra, "we promise not to call you names." His smile was sickening.

Lilly felt frozen. Terrified. Hopeless.

"So," Brad continued for him, "if you say we're calling you names, you're lying. And," he smiled as if anticipating a huge present, "we'll just have to punish you for that too."

As Jason and Brad worked on pulling her jeans off (a sad and futile deterrent) Lilly noticed a coil of rope on the livingroom floor. She stared at it, confused.

The last thing Lilly remembered was feeling like she was floating above the room. It was cool. Like the feeling you get at the top of a rollercoaster just as it starts to go down the steep incline. Everything in your body lifts up. That's what Lilly felt. Up. Floating. She wanted to stay there forever. She heard herself giggle. This is awesome!

A bright light made her open her eyes, instantly the floating feeling vanished. She would have been bummed out about this were it not for the fascination that stood before her.

Yay!

Just like on tv, she was back on the Enterprise.

That was the most articulate word that Lilly could come up with. The best she could do to describe what she was seeing and the relief she felt.

The best part? Jason and Brad and Michael were nowhere in sight.

Mouth agape, she slowly turned round taking in the new surroundings, relishing it instead of running through it like before. The lighted panels on the walls, the long stretches of doors and hallway, the blinking small lights and those that washed the area in light, all against the dark backdrop of space that was sprinkled with stars like sugar on a dark cake.

I could go for some cake, she thought, swallowing. I wonder where Ten-Forward is?

Then she shook herself. Focus!

She began walking towards Beverly Crusher's quarters. Then she thought again about cake and veered to the turbolift. I know it's gotta be on deck ten somewhere, she reasoned. Why else would they call it ten-forward?

I hope everyone here is really as smart as they seem. She swallowed. They had to be. She needed them to be. Maybe in the 24th Century people were enlightened enough to believe someone when they told them the truth, even if that person was a child.

Would they laugh at her? Would it seem like a child's game like it did to the boys? Would they blame her?

What if they didn't believe her either? Why would they?

If she told and wasn't believed? If the boys found out she'd told? They'd kill her. Literally.

She knew what was awaiting her if she went back- a slow death. As it was, they were only keeping her alive for their own entertainment. When they grew tired of her, they would kill her.

But who could she go to? Who would believe her? Who stood the best chance of listening?

The moment Lilly walked into Ten-FOrward Will Riker jumped to his feet as if he'd sat on a tack. He started to move towards her, but Deanna immediately shot out a hand to stop his forward motion.

Shocked, he stared down at her as if she'd lost her senses.

In silent response, Deanna only shook her head firmly, and looked back at his chair.

_Sit down._

He opened his mouth to argue, and she glared at him.

"Sit down," she repeated, speaking aloud this time.

She heard his thoughts as clearly as if he'd spoken them aloud.

_You can't be serious!_

"You remember what Captain Picard said," she answered him.

"You have to set an example," she continued. "It's going to be hard enough to do nothing without you trying to help her."

"But-"

"We can't help her, Will. You know that. There is nothing that we can do here that would have any effect on her life when she gets back to Earth and her own time."

"Deanna!"

She shook her head. She hated it as much as he did, but she knew it was true. "The best thing we can do for her is give her a distraction. Help her stay here as long as possible."

Riker looked like a pissed off two-year old. Troi gave him an empathetic smile.

"_I know how you feel,"_ she answered his look.

Unaware that Riker and Troi were even present, Lilly was busy trying to find Guinan. Guinan was cool. Of all the people on the Enterprise, Lilly really kinda wanted to meet her. She seemed scary but also really cool. Lilly figured she could use a person like that right now.

She could find Beverly Crusher later.

She knew any of the men would probably just laugh at her. It was really embarrassing to her, what the boys were doing, so that meant it was probably hilarious to guys. The boys sure thought so. So, they either wouldn't believe her or they would just think that it was funny. They'd never believe that she was in actual mortal danger. Guys probably loved doing the sort of things the boys did.

That narrowed it down. Now the question was, Beverly or Deanna?

Lilly pursed her lips. Besides, if Beverly saw her, she might see that she was hurt. If she knew that she was hurt, lilly shuddered, she'd be punished. No one could know that she was anything but okay, or if they figured that out, they at least could not suspect it was anyone's doing but her own.

Suddenly terrified of Beverly telling on her, seeing she was injured, Lilly looked frantically around for Beverly. If she were there, Lilly figured she'd just run away. It was easy to do now, since her legs didn't hurt here.

Not finding her, Lilly let out a heavy sigh of relief.

That's when she spotted Will Riker and Deanna Troi.

Crap! She thought.

And then-

_Oh crap! She can hear what I'm thinking! Oh shit. I mean, crap! I mean...Damnit!_ In a sadly desperate attempt to keep Deanna from hearing that or even just feeling that, Lilly quickly put her hands up over her head and closed her eyes, managing to also quickly turn to face the bar, turning her back on the two officers.

"Well, hello there." A warm, safe sounding voice announced.

Even with her eyes closed Lilly knew who it was. With a full-on grin, Lilly lowered her hands and opened her eyes.

She looked into the shining face of Guinan, whose mouth was also in a wide grin, eyes sparkling with interest.

Lilly just stood there silently for several moments, until Guinan asked,

"What can I get for you?"

Lilly smiled even wider than she had been. She opened her mouth to answer, but no words can out. She closed her mouth and tried again.

"Chocolate cake!" The words came out tumbled and fast as if the need for the food was exploding out of her body.

Guinan laughed a deep hearty laugh, still smiling. Then she nodded to Lilly. "No problem," she answered her.

Lilly felt as if her eyes were going to pop out of her head. She couldn't wait to see what kind of chocolate cake (since she realized she hadn't been any more specific) Guinan would bring her. After all, she'd seen the dozens of different kinds of chocolate cakes that existed on the Enterprise. She swallowed, mouth watering already. She leaned forward as Guinan walked away, trying not to let the woman out of her site for a moment.

As she was nearly about to fall over the bar looking, she saw Guinan lifting a covered metal dish.

Eeeee! She squealed aloud and waved her hands in the air like an excited toddler.

Then she let out a yell as she suddenly began to fall backward.

Then the pain in her body increased. She fell to the deck shrieking.

"Lilly!" She heard Guinan and Will Riker's voice call her name.

Before she could wonder how they knew her name, the roller-coaster feeling sent her slamming back down making her feel as if she had fallen from a great height.

It was hard to breathe. The wind'd been knocked out of her.

Lilly blinked her eyes open. The first thing she saw was a bloodied fist. It was Jason's hand. Covered in her own blood.

Unable to help herself, Lilly started sobbing.

-Hey readers! Did any of you try to find Lilly's blog online? Of course her name isn't actually Lilly. ;) And if you did try did you succeed? BTW, if Lil says she's okay with it, I'm going to keep going from what I know, which is going to make this look like nothin'. She's already posted her own story on here, of course. It's called Going Backwards, or...something like that.


	12. Chapter 12

A loud bang terrified Lilly out of an un-sound sleep. She gasped in the dark, then she froze, still, silent, waiting and barely breathing.

Lilly stayed like that and waited, too afraid to move, and so afraid that she couldn't move even if she'd wanted to. She simply stayed still, and waited and listened.

In a moment she hear the sound of a door slamming. Her whole soul seemed to jump, as if it wanted to escape her body. Lilly didn't blame it. But when she didn't hear footsteps and screaming (because Lilly's eyes were closed in both fear and a sad attempt at the illusion of safety) she realized it wasn't the trio breaking into her room, but the sound of the front door slamming shut then being locked as her mother and Steve left for work.

Immediately and without warning, Lilly's entire body began to shake.

Lilly let her eyes open a tiny crack.

She was staring at the clock. 6:00AM. She felt her heart pounding in her more hours until they'd come to get her.

And there was nothing Lilly could do to stop them.

She glanced to her closed bedroom door, then in a moment of terrifying defense, she threw the covers back over her head, curled into a ball and listened to the bed shaking with the force of her shaking coupled with the sound of her gasping breaths.

It seemed not sooner had she ducked back under the cover than a sound like a gun shot woke her again.

Now, two weeks in, Lilly's days began to take on a solid schedule. But today was different. She got the feeling that something bad, something worse than usual was going to happen.

Lilly figured she was right as the three of them grabbed her bodily, tore her from bed kicking and screaming, and dragged her down the carpeted hallway to the bathroom.

The first strongest physical sensation was that the tile floor hurt.

She looked in confusion at her mother's hardly used sewing kit. What was that doing in the bathroom?

Now she felt the hands holding her body down to the cold tile. The pressure on her skin, pushing right through to the bone.

"You don't get off that easily." It was Brad's voice.

Lilly felt as if she were falling asleep, or maybe floating. Lilly liked the feeling. Especially if it meant she'd get to be away from the boys.

It seemed like a long time later when she noticed her body was shaking all over, like a chattering leaf in the wind. Lilly couldn't make it stop, and she was trying. They loved knowing she was scared. But she wasn't shaking because of her fear. Though she was terrified. Her body was shaking for it's own reasons, unbeknownst to her.

"Hey there."

Lilly felt her body still at the sudden new voice in the room. When she looked up she stared in shock at the person croached in front of her.

For several long moments, that's all she did.

"I thought I might come down here and we'd hang out."

Silently and slowly, Lilly looked cautiously to her left and to her right. The boys were focused on-

"Hey!" She snapped, grabbing Lilly by the chin immediately directing her gaze upward. "Look up here, at me. Only look at me," she ordered. Her voice sounding urgent and serious.

Now not allowed to look directly at them, lilly could only assume that they were not seeing what she was seeing.

Lilly swallowed and tried to look around the room again. The grip on her chin tightened and the woman before her again directed her eyes back at her own.

"Just look at me," she spoke again. "We'll just have a little chat while you're in here."

Lilly's eyes widened. Something's wrong. Something's really wrong.

I'm crazy, she reasoned. That must be it. I'm hallucinating. Oh my god, I've actually lost my mind! I see them here, but I also see her here.

"You can talk, can't you?"

Again, lilly simply stared in silence.

Tasha Yar glanced in the direction of the boys, then thinking better of it reflexively held Lilly's chin.

"Don't worry," she assured Lilly, "no one can see or hear you right now, and no one can see or hear me. I figure if anyone should be with you right now, it should be me," she explained.

I'm dead. That must be it.

But, wait...no...Lilly checked in with her body. She felt pain. I can't be dead if I'm feeling pain, she reasoned. She thought it over.

Maybe I'm in hell.

Again she tried to look at the boys, who she knew were holding her down, but doing something to her that she couldn't quite make out.

Her head was jerked back so hard her neck cracked.

"Sorry about that."

Last time I checked, the devil did not look like Tasha Yar.

The woman smiled at her. "I'm just going to sit here with you right now, okay?"

Lilly couldn't figure out how, but she was keeping Lilly from breaking eye contact with her. From looking away.

"My throat hurts," she announced, wincing. "My neck hurts."

Tasha nodded, her authoratative voice turning soft, gentle. "I know," she whispered.

Lilly wanted to get away. Make no mistake she loved that someone from the Enterprise had actually come to see her, but for some reaon all she could think of was getting away. Even if that meant leaving Tasha behind.

She struggled, but felt held down as if by an invisible wall of cement.

"I can't move," she whimpered.

"It's okay," Yar answered, "just look at me. Just keep looking at me."

Lilly felt like she was falling again, and she felt Tasha's hand jerk her back to her.

"Stay here," she hissed. "Stay with me, here. Don't leave me. Just keep looking at me."

The pain was worse now. Lilly struggled again, trying to get away from it.

"I hurt," she cried. "My jaw hurts really bad," she gasped.

She watched Tasha nod, her blue eyes locked on hers. A coldness like steel was behind them.

"Everything's going to be okay."

Lilly wanted to get away. Wanted to fall into Tasha's arms. Wanted Tasha to take her away to the Enterprise. But Tasha didn't seem any more able to move than Lilly did. Tasha stayed crouched as she had been, one hand holding Lilly's chin.

Lilly felt exhausted. She just wanted to be held. To go away. For the pain to stop. She closed her eyes, trying to sleep. Maybe that would help the pain stop.

"No!" Tasha's voice was like thunder in her ear, it jerked her awake and her eyes open again.

"Don't close your eyes," Tasha spoke, explaining herself.

Lilly was going to ask why, but instead mentioned, "Someone's screaming."

Tasha just nodded.

Lilly winced in pain, wishing she could cover her ears.

"Tell them to stop."

Tasha smiled again. "They'll stop," she answered her. "Everything's going to be-"

The pain was worse, and instead of feeling crushed, Lilly felt as though she were choking.

She looked wildly at Yar for help, tried to speak, to tell her something was wrong, but she couldn't.

She was choking. She couldn't breathe. Lilly knew she was going to die.

Her face felt hot, her eyes wide, the only way she could communicate.

Tasha put her face right up against Lilly's.

"You look at me. You just look at me."

Yar's voice was steady, but in her face Lilly could see rage, disgust and fear.

"Keep your eyes open, on me, and you just listen to me. I know you can't talk right now. I know you're scared, but you're going to be okay."

Lilly just wanted to scream. To scream and scream and keep on screaming. To scream until there was nothing left in her body. Scream until she died.

Lilly was shocked when she saw Lt. Yar bend to the side and quickly vomit into the sink. Why would Tasha Yar throw up? She wondered. Maybe she's sick.

Lilly felt the familiar floating fun feeling.

"Stay here." Yar's words were clipped and sharp. "You keep your eyes on me," she ordered, turning from the sink without missing a beat. "You can't go back yet."

Go back where? To what?

She was at home. Yar was the one that would have to go back.

The floating feeling stopped. Yar was crouched in front of her again.

Smiling a smile that felt to Lilly to be both desperate and a lie, Yar spoke quickly now.

"Do you remember when you were talking to Counselor Troi and Dr. Crusher?"

Lilly stared at her in confusion. She hadn't spoken to either of them, not together at least, and she knew she hadn't spoken with Counselor Troi.

Tasha seemed to remember something and added, "Blink once for yes, twice for no."

Lilly blinked twice.

Lilly saw blue.

She saw the blue tile floor and felt them, the grooves between the tiles digging into her skin.

She blinked again. Tasha Yar was gone.

Now Lilly saw the open bathroom door, the carpeted hallway and heard silence. She knew that the boys were gone. She could feel the silence, the stillness. No longer feeling eyes in the dark watching her, waiting to pounce. Lilly no longer felt stalked like prey. Every instinct in her body told her that danger had left. She was free.

As the realization sunk in Lilly began to notice other things. Pain, physical sensations. Her mouth hurt. Her jaw, the back of her head. Her feet. Mostly her feet.

Still only looking out the bathroom door, Lilly touched a hand to her mouth and winced. Where her cheek had been was now a gash, a tear, a gaping hole. Lilly pulled her hand back as if she'd touched fire. She looked at the fingers that had touched the hurting place. Her light fingers were coated in blood, mixed with something sticky, like spit or glue. She tried to open her mouth, worried that her jaw might be dislocated. Searing pain where her lips joined her cheek was her response. Lilly descided that moving her mouth now was probably not the best idea.

Then her attention was drawn to the area she remembered wanting to run away from. She remembered the screaming now.

Lilly looked down at her feet, and realized what'd likely caused most of the pain she'd been feeling. Blood was running down her feet. Like a porcupine her feet and ankles were stuck through with her mother's sewing and knitting needles.

READERS- If you've gotten this far-review. I'm working on the next chapter right now, but I'm waiting for more input here before I go further. As I've said a lot of the reviews and comments do influence what or how I write. And right now, what i'm writing is making me wanna spew chunks, but that's another issue. lol. One thing I've noticed only because it's been brought to my attention more than one either in PMs or reviews is "voice" and mentioning how I'm writing, as if it's somehow unique. I don't think so. In fact I've been keeping this very tame in terms of anything/what I know. I know I should be doing a better job, but I'm working hard just to keep this as 'tame' as possible/not too awful. I'll let Lilly do that herself if she so chooses. BTW Lilly I know you're reading this- you need to update your story! I PM'd you also.


	13. Chapter 13

"Mother, what are you doing here?"

Deanna was shocked. Her mother never showed up unannounced. Without regard for others, yet, but unannounced never. It wasn't the proper thing to do.

Lwaxana Troi was onboard the ship before Deanna realized it. And intent on her own business, Deanna walked right into her mother as she was existing the transporter room.

Mrs. Troi seemed distracted.

She stared at Deanna in absolute shock.

"Why," she fumbled over words, "why, Little One, what are you doing here?" She questioned in return, her confusion matching her daughter's.

Deanna could sense immediately that her mother had been concerned about her, concerned as if her life were hanging by a thread.

"Mother," she answered slowly, "what's wrong? It's not like you to show up unannounced."

The elder Troi looked at her daughter in shock. "Why, I should think it would be perfectly obvious!" Her tone and pitch were high, showing her aggitation.

She looked at Deanna. "I'd thought you'd be in Sick Bay," she answered her.

"Sick Bay?" she questioned. "Why?"

Mrs. Troi was so flustered she was shaking.  
>"You called me, of course."<p>

Without realizing it, Deanna looked sidelong, as if her friend Beverly were there to assess her mother's medical and mental condition along with her.

"Mother, I did nothing of the sort," she replied. "Here," she began steering her mother down the corridor to the turblift.

"If you didn't call for me, who did, I'd like to know?"

"Mother, if I needed to call you, I'd have used sub-space."

"If," she corrected her, "if you were well enough. No," she shook her head, "you reached out to me telepathically."

Now, Deanna began leading her mother directly to Sick Bay. She was going to call Beverly on the comn first, but decided it would only serve to distract and aggitate her mother. Deanna needed all the information she could get.

Trying to remain calm surrounded by her mother's mental chaotic state was difficult. She took a deep breath in and exhaled.

"How did I reach out to you telepathically?" She asked her, holding both her mother's hands in her own as they walked. "Can you tell me what happened?"

"Why I, I thought you were near death!"

Rattled. Mrs. Troi was in shock. Absolute shock. This was not good for her.

"Why mother?"

"You just kept calling to me," she answered, her words as quick as her breathing.

"Mother," she looked into her eyes, "it's all right. I'm fine. I need you to calm down. I know this must have been very upsetting for you."

"What did I say?"

Deanna knew she'd be a fool to think that her mental abilities were anywhere close to her mother's. She also knew that her mother was concious of things that she was not. It very well could have been that a part of her own meta-concious mind was indeed reaching out for her mother, calling for help.

"Why you just said Help me. Over and over again. Just help. That you needed help. That you desperately needed help."

You didn't say that last one, but that was the implication.

The pain Mrs. Troi felt hit Deanna like a blow. The fear she'd felt, the conviction that her daughter would be found lying in Sick Bay dead or dying rattled Deanna.

"How did you know I needed help, mother?"

"Don't look at me like I'm senile!" Troi objected, pushing Deanna away from her.

They'd entered the lift and were now only seconds from Beverly Crusher's ministrations.

'You were desperate. The tone in your voice was desperate. Terrified. All you could say was, Help, and help me, over and over and over again."

"How did I feel mother? Could you tell that?"

"of course!" She snapped, offended.

"You were terrified, Little One. Absolutely petrified."

Deanna led her into Sick Bay.

"But mother, I'm fine."

Lwaxana looked over her daughter, perplexed. "I can see that," she answered. Troi felt relief that her mother's aggitation and fear seemed to finally be lessening. "But someone isn't. Something is wrong here."

Mrs. Troi was looking at her daughter with firm conviction as Beverly Crusher approached.

"Something is very wrong here," she announced with certainty.

Yeah, shut up okay? Just shut up. The 'other chapter' it just makes me cry. I can't. I can't do it. I can but, well...you'll see. It's horrible. It's just...horrible.


	14. Chapter 14

All I "know" from the last chapter? "They stuck knitting needles and big sewing needles through my feet and ankles." I also granted Lilly a couple of mercies that obviously she did not get in real life. And that the real life Lilly is/was a professional ballet dancer the summer this happened to her. But none of that's going to be touched on here, so I'm not going there. I just felt it was important, cuz it is, especially to her.

Lilly stared at her feet, only registering the pain, and the sick feeling in the pit of her stomach. She felt frozen.

Maybe she was still dreaming.

Or in hell.

Definitely.

There are needles in my feet, was all that she could think. Not, I have to get the needles out.

The boys were gone, she was alone, and she knew, she knew that of all the injuries to her body they'd inflicted that day- not that she was sure, she certainly couldn't stand, couldn't see her reflection in the mirror. All she could go by was what she felt and what she could feel from where she was- lying on a cold tile floor alone. She knew that she had to get rid of the evidence herself. Or, as they'd promised, it'd be worse.

Lilly wasn't afraid of needles. She was strong. She prided herself on not showing pain whenever she was at the doctor's even if they were sticking her with needles.

They're just big needles, she told herself. Big deal. Just pull them out.

She nodded her head in certainty. Just take them out. She drew a shaky breath.

Yeah.

No problem.

Not at all.

Simple.

She nodded again, reassuring herself. She couldn't be sure what time it was, how much time had passed, or when anyone would be home.

Another thought struck her cold. If they came back she'd be defenseless. She couldn't run. Invisible icy hands grippd her right in the middle of her chest, squeezing her heart. Making it hard to breathe.

They could be back any minute, she realized. They could come back and finish the job.

Now she knew why she'd seen Tasha Yar vomit. Why she wouldn't let Lilly take her eyes from her, not for a single moment.

Lilly stared at the needles. Some were bigger around than her own fingers. She closed her eyes.

Don't puke, she told herself. Don't puke.

That'd be something else to clean up.

The blood under her legs looked like a mini pond that her feet were soaking in. Like a midevil spa treatment. She'd have to clean that up too, as soon as she could stand.

Trying to push all though from her mind, Lilly reached out a hand and boldly grabbed onto a blue knitting needle. It was the size of her school pencils.

Thin hand gripped around metal she paused, afraid.

I can't, I can't I can't I can't! She screwed her eyes shut tighter than tight, turning her head to further keep from seeing the sickening truth now of what sh must do to herself.

With a scream of pain Lilly yanked her hand from the needle as her hand began to shake, pulling at the metal.

The slightest movement of the embedded metal was agonizing.

She figured it was better to pull the huge needles out first. Many of them looked as if they surely went right into or through bone.

"I can't, I can't I can't!" She sobbed, saying the words aloud as no one else was around.

"Here, lie down, Lilly."

Lilly was put back on one of those things they call a bed, but definitely wasn't. More like a hard bench. The only way in that it resembled a bed was that it was not a chair. Alyssa, Beverly's nurse was right at Lilly's side. Holding her shoulders.

At least Beverly was there.

She smiled.

Lilly screamed when she pulled the first needle out.

She hadn't meant to. She'd meant to be strong and not a baby, and keep her jaw held shut as tight as a fence door, but apparenly her mind had other ideas, or at least her mouth. Before she realized it Lilly was screaming like a sissy.

Lilly's body began to shake, it made the removal of the needles even worse.

Where's Tasha Yar now? She wondered bitterly.

The worst part was- well, I obviously couldn't even write about it really, so maybe I'll explain in the next chapter. I just...I couldn't. I tried,but literally couldn't even do it. Was going to ask Lil if she'd write it herself, but I figure if I said I couldn't write it, and she actually had to live through all this? It's too hard for me to write about this? Yeah, that's really sissy. And yes, I put Deanna's mother in the story for a reason. Intentional, but it also gave me the break I needed to so I could at least throw this chapter together. Sorry it sucks, but hopefully you understand why.


	15. Chapter 15

Deanna Troi's mother was pacing. Something was wrong. Something was very wrong.

"She won't leave," Deanna whispered.

Will stood at her side. They both watched in silence as the woman paced in the observation lounge.

After she'd raged at Captain Picard, it'd been decided that not only would this be a safer place for Mrs. Troi to rant, but it was also easier to keep an eye on her.

"Captain Picard was not happy about that," he answered, referring not to Lwaxana still being there, but by the incident in the C aptain's ready room.

Deanna nodded. "She's conflicted. Beverly's performed the full spectrum of scans and can find nothing wrong- other than an abnormally high amount of activity in the frontal cortex. I have no idea what she's talking about. I'm not in danger. But she won't leave."

"She's convinced something's wrong," he muttered.

Abruptly Lwaxana stopped pacing. She turned an acustory glare at the duo. "Something is wrong, Mr. Riker. Something is very wrong here. And no," she turned her fierce gaze on Deanna, " I am not going to leave. Not until I've figured out what's going on, and my daughter is safe."

"Mrs. Troi, nothing bad is going to happen."

"That's what you think," she returned. "And I'm not about to leave my daughter here alone when I think she is in danger. I will not!"

Wordlessly Riker exchanged a sidelong glance at Deanna. She simply shrugged.

PAGE BREAK

"Press B! Press B!"

Lilly pressed the buttons harder and faster, frantically moving the control in her hands the way that she wanted her character to move on the tv screen.

Her person was getting it's butt kicked. Everytime she tried to move, she couldn't. He was on top of her. Never giving her any space to fight back, to get a lick in, cornering her so that she could not get away. All that she could do was be beaten until she died.

"I win! Again!" Jason crowed, holding up his contoler in victory. He looked at Lilly and hooted with laughter. "You're terrible at this game."

"I told you she'd lose."

Lilly rolled her eyes. "I didn't wanna play your stupid game anyway," she grumbled, tossing down the controler and heading upstairs to her room.

"Hey!" The words were barked exactly like a dog.

Lilly paused one foot on the stairs, one off.

Irritated she turned, eyes in a glare locked on Brad's face.

"What?" She weilded the word like a sword.

"Excuse me?" His voice rose.  
>"Looks like someone's forgotten who they are. Thinking you're so high and mighty." He nodded to Michael and Jason.<p>

"Get her."

"Looks like someone needs to be given another lesson."

Jason sneered.

Now instead of pulling off flimsy pajamas material, they were yanking at strong fabric. The denim of her jean shorts, her shirt, her layers of underwear.

Lilly heard the sharp sound of ripping fabric, and thought immediately of her jeans, but saw them and all her clothing piled on the floor next to her.

That's when she heard the screaming again. Shrieks like an animal in it's death throes caught in a metal trap.

That was it. They hid her clothes in her bedroom while she was still tied down, then untied her so that she'd have to once again walk naked through the livingroom and up to her room, with the fear of someone walking through the front door or past the picture window at her back constantly.

She sat in her room, in shock.

That was fluke. They said they were going to punish her when she did things they didn't like, but that was what the morning attacks were for. They just must have been bored, she reasoned. Or, they forgot they'd already raped her that day. But, in case it wasn't...

Lilly drew upon all that she knew. Everything in her skull that she possessed that could possibly help her get through this or end she could do that. She drew back upon what she'd been told of bullies, all the television shows she'd watched, every movie she'd ever seen. And the sum of that knowledge added up to two simple things: 1. Ignore bullies, act like they don't scare you or be bold and scare them and they'll go away, and 2. It takes two people to fight. Don't give someone a reason to dislike you, go out of your way to make them like you.

Those were the only weapons Lilly had at her disposal. She'd tried and tried the first one to absolutely no avail or success at all, now perhaps it was time to try another tactic.

What Lilly knew for certain was that something had to be wrong with her. Something must be wrong with her to cause this to happen. There must be something present within her that caused these things to happen to her, and not only to happen to her, but for no one to notice or to care.

The only constant in the equation was Lilly herself.

She was the reason they were behaving so horribly to her. They said so themselves. If she didn't do anything wrong or worth punishing they'd not treat her so terribly.

So she had to fix it. She took her experiences and resources that told her that she could make people like her and she decided to use that. Perhaps if she were nicer to the boys, they in return would be nicer to her.

They'd ransacked her room. Destroyed almost all her belongings- to which Lilly had to take the blame, full responsibility as well as the false admission that she herself had wanted her treasured possessions to be destroyed. But left in her hiding place between two boards in her bed was a gift certificate to Baskin Robins. Lilly pulled out the piece of paper and looked at it, considering. Then she nodded.

Of course. It was summer. Who could say no to ice cream? And free ice cream at that?

Coupled with the fact that there was a Baskin Robbins less than a mile away from their house. That's it, Lilly decided. I'll treat them to ice cream. I'll start being nicer to them. Even though she didnt' believe she was being mean to begin with, but it had to work.

The next day, after her morning rape, Lilly was seated in the livingroom as she casually announced.  
>"Wanna go get some ice cream? I've got a gift certificate. We can all get ice cream."<p>

The boys smiled, all of them. Glad. Clearly unanticipating such an act of kindness. They all looked excited, joyous, shocked and grateful.

Lilly grinned.

"Wanna go?" She asked.

In answer, the boys all raced to the door.

"Do you want to take my bike?" Brad offered her.

Feeling as if her heart were growing, as if she were growing taller, Lilly smiled and shook her head.

"No, I can walk." She didn't want to bring up the fact that their latest rape had torn more leg muscles than usual, makign walking the less agonizing option.

But she did consider it. She didn't want to look a gift horse in the mouth, so to speak.

"Well," then Brad suggested, "we'll all walk then." He smiled. "We'll all walk together and get some ice-cream."

Lilly pulled the paper out of her pocket and showed it to them.

It was like a dream. Lilly had to pinch herself over and over again just to check that this was real.

She, Jason, Brad and Michael were actually sitting in the ice cream shop together, laughing, talking and eating ice cream. Carefree. They looked indistinguishable from any of the other latch-key kids hanging out in the usual summer hang-out.

"Boy that sure was some good ice cream, wasn't it?

The boys nodded.

Thanks.

They'd all and each thanked her for the ice cream. Not just once, but more than once. Often. When they were talking, while each boy got their scoop of ice cream, while they were eating, while they were walking home together. At the dinner table with their parents.

Lilly went to bed a happy girl.

-I have to say I'm quite surprised to see no one's reviewed the last chapter. Really. Well, better get to reviewing, folks. I did not enjoy writing that chapter. And after being so tortured over it, Lilly was the only one to review? Gimma a break. That SUCKS.


	16. Chapter 16

"What were you doing on the phone?"

The booming shout came out of nowhere, dead silence. Lilly jumped, startled, then placing the voice, she immediately began shaking.

"I-it was ringing," she stuttered.

Brad charged towards her.

"Trying to call the cops?" The question was shouted like a fact.

"N-no," she stammered, shaking her head wildly, eyes matching in their wideness. "S-someone just called."

"Oh, really?" He smiled and seemed to dance towards her, eager. "Really?" Like an excited child.

"One of your little friends?"

He grabbed the phone from it's hook, and slammed it back into place as if making a point.

"No one would want to be friends with you."

"I thought we went over this." He was using his sweet patronizing voice again.

She was flabbergasted. It didn't work! She realized, thinking on her treating them all to ice cream. She felt both horrified and utterly confused.

I wasn't nice enough, she decided.

So Lilly tried to be strong, willed herself to stop shaking, willed her eyes to steel themselves with no tears. But she was quaking inside, terrified, knowing what would come next. Not broken yet though. If she had been she wouldn't have felt fear at all. If Lilly had known such a state of existance was indeed possible, she would have hoped for it. But she didn't. So all she could do was stand tall, and wait. There was nowhere to run, there was nothing she could do.

"How you're not supposed to go out of the house now." He smiled at her again. "We can't have you getting lost," he smiled this time a smile that liked pain, liked hurting her, "or talking to anyone outside."

The boys played outside all the time. It was nearly July now. Her friends called wondering why she never was home, never answered the phone, never was outside when they drove past with their parent's on the way to the store or the mall. She sat listening to the excuses, the lies the boys made up.

Sometimes while they had her pinned and naked or tied up, the phone would ring, the boys would answer and she'd be near enough to hear her friend's voice on the other line, asking for her, then one of them would take the phone away from their ear and call out,

"Lilly? Li-lly, are you home?" Or something of the sort.

Sometimes her heart would leap with hope, now though it just sank. It felt stabbed. Hurting for her friends, as if the boys were hurting her friends, too.

But she didn't show it. She knew the two that were still holding her or watching her were looking at her for a reaction. She wouldn't give it. Lilly kept her face stone cold, blank. Emotionless. This did not hurt her at all.

"Sorry," she could hear the smile in their voice even if she couldn't turn to look, "guess she's not home. I'll be sure to tell her you called."

Lilly wondered at this rate if she'd have any friends left at all when she started back to school in the fall. Of course, if she lived that long that is.

"Hey, you guys!" Brad hollered up to Jason and Michael who were upstairs. "Get down here!"

Lilly felt heavy, sinking. Forced beneath an unbearable weight.

Brad grabbed her by the arm, roughly.

"This is for picking up the phone," he growled, then threw her to the floor just as Michael and Jason rounded the stairs.

Lilly was running full speed towards Deanna Troi's mother. Long before she collided with the woman, her thoughts screamed through air like a siren.

They won't stop! They won't stop! Help!Help!Help! Repeated over and over and over.

When she saw Lilly, Deanna realized at the same moment her mother did, that this was the person who'd called her to get herself aboard the Enterprise as fast as the nearest ship could take her.

Not bothering to slow her run, Lilly flung herself into Lwaxana Troi, whose arms immediately encased the girl. She simply stared at Deanna in shock as images and sounds, words and sensations filled her mind flitting from one to the next. It was easy now to understand what had happened and why she'd sped at a break-neck pace to get to the Enterprise, and also, why she'd stayed. Something at the back of her mind seemed to warn her not to leave.

Lwaxana Troi didn't need to ask who or what or need any explaination whatsoever. She felt her own daughter's relief as she realized just why her mother could be the one to so easily be able to help Lilly. Not only did Lilly not need to say what was being done to her, Lwaxana could provide both the mothering and strength that the girl needed right now.

Lilly's body began to shake and she started sobbing. "Make them stop!" She begged. "Make them stop! Please, make them stop!"

Five hours later, she'd made the mistake of reaching up to get the can of pasta sauce her mother asked for, instead of pulling a chair over.

The reach of her arm allowed her long sleeved shirt to slip down, or rather up her arm, exposing it. And Lilly was just lucky enough for her mother to catch sight.

Wide-eyed Lilly's mother approached her and grabbed her arm just as Lilly placed the jar on the table behind her.

"What is this?" She cried, holding Lilly's arm out, fully exposed now.

Her white thin forearm was out in the air and dotted all along it were big red welt sticking up out of her arm as far as red gum drops.

"Who did this to you?" She demanded.

Uh oh. Lilly felt her insides begin to quake. She knew that this wasn't enough. It wasn't enough to stop them. They'd get yelled at, that's all. And Lilly knew what that meant for her.

She was already protesting as mother yelled into the livingroom for the boys.

"It-it's just a game," Lilly's words were quick and slipping, trying to excuse it away, assure her mother that she was okay.

The demon trio entered the room, innocent as lambs.

Lilly's arm was held up with the demand, "What did you do to her?"

Brad stepped forward looking shocked, his mouth open, eyes full of concern.

"I had no idea," he gushed. "We was just playin' with her, that snap game..." his voice trailed off as he carefully examined Lilly's arm.

"I had no idea. I didn't realize. We didn't mean to hurt her."

All lies.

"Didn't realize she'd bruise that easy."

"That's not a bruise, it's a welt!" Her mother snapped. "Looks like someone stuck a huge marble under her skin- six of them!"

Lilly could feel the muscles in her neck and shoulders knotting with tension. This was not good.

Her mother released her with the order to go upstairs. Reluctantly, still verbally agreeing with Brad, that she'd been in on the game, that it was her idea, that she'd asked to play too, and all such nonsense even as she went away up the stairs.

When she closed her bedroom door and heard Steve yelling a few moments later, Lilly knew she was a goner.


	17. Chapter 17

BTW, "Lilly" is now writing chapters for this story and I'm posting them. Here's what she sent to me:

Hey, this is Lilly, aka "MirrorMirror2". I can't advance my story until things are advanced here, and since this is as far as BB knows from reading my blog and talking to me, she suggested I take over. I suggested she take over my side of the story, since at this point "Lilly" doesn't know more than BB does. Maybe. Something like that. Obviously I wrote the last chapter here. Can't move on with my story till the story here gets advanced. Right now my story is behind this one, timewise. Nothing is revealed there that you don't read about here first, and it will stay that way. Obviously this goes with what I actually remember, and there's A LOT that I don't remember, things that are still blocked. Things so bad that my brain won't let me retrieve them. I'm hoping writing will help me unlock some of this.

And I haven't read all of BB's story so I may have somethings different- but not wrong, since all I'm writing is my own truth. And if some of my truth slips out here that doesn't match it's probably explained in my story- like that there is no Michael in 'this' story for real. Instead of Michael, there was Kristi, my step sister, but if you read my blog about what happened to me, or my story on FF, you know that already. ;)

Moving on with the story-

She'd gotten used to it, it was normal now. So after the morning's assault, Lilly showered, dressed, and eventually came downstairs to sit in the livingroom and watch TV with the boys. It was that or sit up in her room and do nothing. Or sit and think about her now daily life. No.

So now, it was either act as if what had just happened on that livingroom carpet hadn't happened, or tear her mind apart with frustration, or earn herself another assault, another rape, another beating. Either try to create some degree of normalcy for herself, or go insane.

Insane because no one noticed her now silent behavior. How she dared not move without Brad's permission. How she no longer spoke at dinner, how she barely ate. How she dared not ask for anything, or take any food or anything that wasn't given to her. No one noticed how fake-nice she was to the boys, when previously she treated them with open disgust. No one noticed the bruises, her limping walk, how she never made eye contact with anyone or anything but the floor.

But they couldn't notice, with the exception of the mistake Lilly'd made last night, and so it was Lilly's own fault. She couldn't act as if anything were wrong. She had to lie, had to act as if things were perfectly fine. If she didn't, she knew they would kill her. Literally kill her. If she just dared to show them, to tell what the boys were doing to her...but she couldn't do that either. If she told and was not believed? It would be worse than never telling.

As expected, there was no real punishment for what they'd done to her yesterday.

There was a loud bang of a car back-firing outside. Lilly jumped from where she was seated on the floor in front of the tv, and immediately looked behind her out the livingroom window. She couldn't see anything, and the noise was no longer, so Lilly forced her shoulders back down from her ears, and turned her attention back to the tv, trying not to think.

Just watch tv. Don't think. Don't think about anything.

"Hey!"

Brad's shout made her jump again.

What?

"Did you just look at me?"

She turned around disbelieving his insanity.

"I was looking outside," she answered.

"There!" Brad pointed a finger at her. Lilly noticed then how the other boys were smiling.

"She did it again!"

"Fine," Brad heaved a sigh as if exhausted, and rose from his chair, looking at Michael and Jason. "Guess she wants more attention."

They smiled sickeningly.

Truly confused, Lilly asked, "What are you talking about?"

His voice low, steady Jason answered, "You looked at Brad."

"I didn't look at him," she explained then stopped short just as Brad yelled,

"Grab her!"

Lilly screamed, and like a rabbit, turned and bounded up the stairs, terror-stricken. Believing that if she could just make it to her room, she'd be safe.

But they were right at her heels. She could feel the floor shaking with the pounding of their feet behind her up the stairs. Her heart pounded faster and was so loud it drowned out any other noise.

It was like the nightmares she used to have, where someone was chasing her, and Lilly felt like she couldn't move. As if her feet were sinking in quick sand. The person in her dream always killed her before she could move.

But this time it was real.

Desperate she lunged for her door, grabbing it, slamming it behind her, then throwing her body against the door. It had no lock. Lilly tried to bar it with her scant body weight. Thankfully there was a wall just in front of her, used for the closet. Lilly braced her feet against it, screaming as Brad, Michael and Jason slammed their bodies against the door. She heard a loud cracking noise, and suddenly the entire door gave way, slamming Lilly hard against the wall.

As they entered the room, Lilly wanted to get up and run, or jump out the window, but they had her.

"And this one is for getting us in trouble last night," Michael yelled.

So, seconds later it started all over again.

Brad has his hand on her breast, rubbing it as he said, "You're lucky you have us. No other boy is going to touch you. No other boys are going to want to see you naked."

Lilly barely heard him. If she had, if she'd been able to think of anything but her current horror, the need for survival, or the unfathomableness of her current tragedy, Lilly might have thought something along the lines of, "no other boys other than my brothers want to see me naked? Meaning, my brothers want to see me naked? I think you've got a bigger problem than me, dude.

But of course she didn't.

"I thought you learned your lesson."

"No going outside."

"No talking on the phone."

"No talking to anyone."

From now on, you can't walk into the kitchen, by the way. Can't have another incident like last night."

"And," Brad added to the group, "if you look at me, I assume you want my attention. And I will give it to you," he smiled.

This story is almost done. There's only a little bit more that I remember. When more memories surface, maybe they'll be worked in.


	18. Chapter 20

Here it is! Finally. Obviously this is changed slightly from Lilly's original, but only slightly as in using she instead of I and Lilly instead of another name. Lil said she'd written this and read it (along with everything else mentioned in this story that happened to her) aloud to a group of people, and it was this part a particular bit where she heard everyone in the room gasp in horror. I'll let you read for yourselves. I'm sure you'll figure it out.

This was really difficult to do, even though all I had to do was flesh it out. Really hard, because I could see the whole thing in my head. That's why it's taken me so long to post this, because it's just been too difficult. It's weird because there's nothing really 'bad' in this... obviously the quotes with "I" are Lilly's own writing that I didn't want to change.

"Everyday I truly believed that they would kill me. Fear kept me more caged than their actions or warnings. I wished they would just get it over with. I longed to escape, but thinking ahead, my attackers kept me locked in the house, with someone always posted by the exits. I wasn't allowed to have any contact with my friends, speak on the phone to anyone, and eventually didn't speak at all. Anything that drew attention to me drew negative consequences. I was screamed at, beaten or sexually assaulted if I even walked near a door, or the kitchen where the phone was."

One day when they were all upstairs Lilly saw her chance. She was sitting ostensibly watching television. She'd kept her gaze glued to it for so long the trio became bored and headed upstairs. After what felt like an eternity of waiting, she slowly, carefully, dreadfully stood up. It was now or never. They'd never left the exits unguarded before.

Lilly had to cross the creeky wooden floor to the front door, the exit nearest to her. The only thought in her head was escape. Escape at any cost. With fingers that amazingly weren't trembling, she put one hand to the doorknob and the other to the dead-bolt.

She started undoing the door locks very slowly, silently. First the soft lock in the door knob itself, then moving to the stronger deadbolt. She started to turn it. The world went silent as she worked. All her heard was the frantic racing of her heart, her hands against time. Suddenly there was a loud click. The sound made her jump. It was loud enough to reverberate slightly down the hall. The deadbolt was stuck. But that wasn't the worst of it.

In a panic Lilly realized the group upstairs heard her trying to open the door.

"What the hell are you doing, bitch?"

Frantically, Lilly pulled with all her strength at the lock.

"Open, open, open!" She begged.

Tears were streaming down her face. She knew what they'd do to her if they caught her now.

She heard footsteps running, the slamming of the bedroom door upstairs. The sound of feet pounding down the stairs, jumping them two at a time, thundering down towards her.

Lilly was sobbing as she kept tugging at the lock and the doorknob, desperate to open the door. She heard Brad jump. Not daring to look behind her, she knew it was only three steps more to reach her.

Suddenly the lock released. As she heard Brad's feet on the floor behind her, and Jason and Michael behind him, Lilly flung the door open and ran.

Brad, twice her size, was on her heels. The only option to slow him down and put space between her and him was to run directly into the traffic on the busy street that ran in front of the house. Lilly didn't hesitate. Without looking for cars, she ran straight into the busy highway. She heard honking, could feel the heat coming off the cars that swerved around her running body. As she was running to the street, she heard Brad yell to get bikes. They were going after her on their bikes, while she was running on foot. On foot and crippled by injury.

They jumped onto their bikes and were chasing after her. She'd doubled back and was now racing down the sidewalk across from the house. They saw her. She didn't dare look at them, look back, but she knew every second they were right behind her. So she had to run to and through places they couldn't go on their bikes. She ran through people's yards, going over fences and brick walls she couldn't see through, that were often higher than Lilly, and jumping to the ground, which was sometimes as much as an unexpected 12 foot drop. It didn't matter. Death didn't matter. As long as it wasn't at their hands.

At busy streets she again ran directly into traffic, dodging cars as she went, getting hit by a car was nothing compared to what she would face if she were caught.

Lilly ran about two miles full speed, even with legs torn up from fighting. The only place she could go was to her father's house. So that's where she headed. Running through yards, keeping out of eyesight of the boys as much as possible, who were only following her on sidewalks and roads, hardly ever riding their bikes through anyone's yard.

With about another half mile to go, Lilly realized something equally terrifying. Her brother had a key to that house as well, and he had to know this was the only place Lilly had to run to. She realized she was just leading them to a new place to torture her. But there was nowhere else to go. The police would never believe her. Why would they when her own family didn't? So she kept running.

As she came up to the house, seeing the three right behind her, hearing them yelling, her heart filling with terror and sickness at the thought of never being able to escape. She knew she couldn't go into the house to hide. So where could she go? With seconds to spare, as they close in on her from three sides, Lilly realized her only chance to escape them was to get onto the rooftop.

Even with no ladders in sight, she somehow climbed up the bricks of the house itself, and dragged herself up.

The boys were unwilling to persue her. They sat on their bikes in the driveway and looked up at her. As all the neighbors were home, they weren't about to risk yelling out what they'd do to her when she came down. So, there Lilly sat balancing on the rooftop like a treed cat. At some point she watched all three of them go into the house. She was afraid they'd try to get onto the roof from one of the top floor windows.

True enough she heard them opening her bedroom window, the one closest to where she was perched, shouting at her to come down. No. Lilly sat there for hours, until she saw her mother's car drive up. When her mother, furious at being called away from work, demanded that she come down, and why in hell was she up there, Lilly refused. She refused to come down. Lilly told her they'd been treating her horribly all summer. The former Mrs. Connor thought Lilly was just trying to cause trouble, and scolded her. Eventually, with nowhere else to go, and no one else who would help or listen, Lilly was forced to climb down, get into her mother's car with Brad, Michael and Jason, and return to her captivity.

The next day her assaults were much worse in retribution for telling that they'd been hurting her, even though Lilly's words hadn't been believed in the slightest. That night the children were left alone, as the adults went out for the night. To escape the trio, Lilly decided to take a long shower- locking the door behind her of course.

After about fifteen minutes the boys banged on the door, telling her to open it so they could come in. She didn't respond. A few minutes passed and she heard a loud thud. Before she knew what was happening large hands were around her shoulders, pulling her out of the shower. It was then she saw they'd unscrewed the doorknob.

Lilly didn't even bother to cover up her vagina with her hands, crossing them over her chest instead. What was the point?

Michael demanded, "Don't you have any shame? Why aren't you covering yourself up? Don't you feel ashamed that we can see you naked? You could cover up your breasts and your vagina at the same time you know, like this-" he demonstrated, making his arms into the shape of a triangle, upper arms covering chest, hands splayed hiding the genital region.

"You're disgusting."

"You're dirty. Filthy," Brad added. "We've got to clean you."

"They told me that I was dirty and that they were going to clean me. My step brother, who was about 16 took the lead on this, cleaning my vagina with a sponge, while the other two forcibly held my legs open.

"That's the last thing I remember".

This is the End. What happens next is all Lilly's story, going from now backwards. I'm trying to convince her to let me post it here, since she hasn't posted much in the blog.


	19. Chapter 19

There's a whole new chapter posted before this. You will be surprised to see that the story ends where it does. I know I was. Those following this story may not have seen the new chap second half of the story is now up. I picked a funny different little title. This is just to let you know there's a new story. I'm not gonna give the title here, because I don't want to spoil it. Have fun!


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